Monday, November 26, 2012

University of Kentucky at Canaan Establishes a Christian Only Dorm


Christ House


Canaan, Kentucky The University of Kentucky at Canaan has announced that it will offer students a Jesus centered dormitory. Beginning next semester the biblical based Christ House will open on the stated funded campus to offer young Christ followers the chance to escape the pressures of secular life. "Christ House is going to be the model for campuses nationwide who want to build a biblical community,"stated Kentucky University President, Abraham Longfellow.


The dormitory offers students a special resources and activities that will assist in their walks with Jesus.
  • Morning Jesus rallies. Every morning at 6am students will gather in front of Christ House and offer testimonials on the power of the Lord in their own lives. At the end of each gathering the individual who has offered the best story will be given a Starbucks gift card.
  • Segregated floors. One of the controversies amongst the faithful regarding Christ House was the mixing of male and female students in the same residence. However, the building was designed so that men and women will never even see each other except for the morning Jesus rallies. Men will enter through the main door, while the women will enter via the back. Men will eat in the state of the art cafeteria while women will have the pleasure of enjoying the meals that they themselves cook in the cozy kitchen/laundry/boiler room.
  • The Jew Walk Just before Easter break, students will celebrate traditional Good Friday anti-Semitism by parading throughout the school to condemn the sinful, arrogant Jews. The celebration will end with a complete reading of Martin Luther's On the Jews and Their Lies. Students will be asked not to applaud the section where Luther implores Christians to, 
    set fire to their synagogues or schools and to bury and cover with dirt whatever will not burn, so that no man will ever again see a stone or cinder of them. This is to be done in honor of our Lord and of Christendom, so that God might see that we are Christians, and do not condone or knowingly tolerate such public lying, cursing, and blaspheming of his Son and of his Christians.
Surprisingly, there have been some misgivings amongst the secular, Muslim and Jewish students at the school. The tiny Secular Humanist Club have lodged a formal complaint with the administration because tax payer dollars are being spent to support a particular religion, and thereby violating the Establishment Clause of the US Constitution. Jewish students have consistently complained that the Jew Walk will create a hostile environment on campus. The administration has countered that the Jews can not interfere with the Christians' right to free speech. In an interesting twist to the story, Muslim students do not wish to do away with Christ House, but demand that the administration supply a dormitory dedicated to Islamic principles. There are rumors that such a residence, tentatively named Sharia House, will open in one year. The Muslim student group has even offered to engage in some interfaith activities with Christ House, and join in the annual Jew Walk.
"This is just another example of how God's love is bringing people together." - Abraham Longfellow



 

4 comments:

  1. Brilliant! I am trying to think of what "Atheist House" would look like, as a parody, not in reality. After our morning readings from Hitchens and Dawkins what would we do?

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    Replies
    1. Let's hope it wouldn't be a brawl about which atheist group is "right."

      Delete
    2. No, no. It would be an argument as to whether the babies should be fried or scrambled.

      Lurker111

      Delete
  2. The U.S. of Asses in Kentucky never cease to amaze me with their religious, dogmatic, stupidity and bigotry. If there was a god that showed itself to the world there would be no need for religion. I guess that proves the sky-daddy doesn't exist! Ha !

    ReplyDelete

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