Sunday, October 7, 2012

A New Theme Park Dedicated To Slavery Is To Open In Arkansas

It's a whites only version of  Disney's Magic Kingdom.

Little Rock, Arkansas The state of Arkansas has announced that it will open a new theme park, Antebellum Haven, in September, 2013. Work on the project has been going as planned. Last year the land was purchased from Moab County in the western part of the state. The investors of the family friendly theme park, Representative John Hubbard and House candidate, Charlie Fuqua, were able to to obtain tax payer support for their ambitious project.
We saw how the Creation Museum and the Noah's Ark tourist attractions really did a lot for Kentucky. Representative Hubbard and I used their example, and were able to buy 50 acres for $10.31. Best of all, the state of Arkansas is giving us a subsidy 30 million dollars to build our dream." - Charlie Fuqua.

Representative John Hubbard was quick to point out that Antebellum Haven is not only to entertain visitors, but to inform them as well, "...the institution of slavery that the black race has long believed to be an abomination upon its people may actually have been a blessing in disguise.” Families will be able able to enjoy a variety of exhibits to dispel myths that slavery was an abomination. For example, a quick walk down Main Street Antebellum will show how civilized the slave trade really was.

After observing the fast paced world of Negro Sales, the whole family (klan?) can enjoy some salt water taffy at F. Geutebruck's.

Visitors will be able to see how slaves were able to get top notch health care from their handlers.

Beat this, Obamacare!
And no trip to Antebellum Haven would be complete without visiting the replica of the USS Friendly, a 19th century cruise ship that brought the inhabitants of the Dark Continent to their new homes in the good old USA.

Representative Hubbard is looking forward to the opening of the them park in 2013. He is proud of Arkansas, his country, his values and states he does, “... whatever I can to defend, protect and preserve our Christian heritage.”

*Yes the quotes from Representative Hubbard are real -- check the links.
**No, Antebellum Haven is not real, but if they could get away with building it, they would.



  1. Dude, you are so creative funny right now (me, I'm duller than-insert something dull HERE). So frackin' funny...


  2. Please dont give him any ideas. Can you imagine? Only in America could a elected politician say these things.

  3. This was a f*cked up post. Letting me freak out internally that this was really happening was cruel and not at all funny. Kudos on the Poe's law success, but this still is a really sick joke.

    1. A disturbing joke reflecting a disturbing reality. Perhaps Purgatory is not for you?

  4. For the best integration of real quotes into a hilarious work of satire... you win the internet.


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