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Friday, September 21, 2012

Top Ten Ways How To Know Your God Is The Right God




One of the problems facing the modern citizen of the world is Which God is the right God? Back in primitive times we knew that God was the Sun. The benefits to worshipping a big ball of thermonuclear explosions was self evident to all (if not the nature of said big ball of thermonuclear explosions). 

Here are some simple ways to know if you are worshipping the right God.

10. Historical evidence Jesus took ancient Israel by storm! He raised the dead, fed the multitudes, and what about all those zombies that popped up after his death?
The tombs broke open and the bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. They came out of the tombs, and after Jesus’ resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many people. Mathew 27:52-53


What? There are no Roman sources that talk about the holy undead stalking the streets of Jerusalem, and ministering to the citizenry? Have faith, brothers and sisters, it's only a matter of time before such a document is found.


9. My priest tells me I'm worshipping the right God. He says that right after our one-on-one sessions. We always kid around about how it's God's plan that his zipper gets stuck.

8. The angry, violent mob you somehow got too close to tells you which God is the right God. If I were hanging around some metropolitan area, and found myself taking a wrong turn into a throng of rioting worshippers of Thor upset at the latest issue of the Thor comic, I would become a Thor fundamentalist. I'd be chanting "Thor is more!" and waving about an outrageously large plastic novelty hammer over my head. Of course, my faith is strictly mob specific.

7. It's not that hard a problem to figure out. You know that kid who was in your seventh grade geography class who never really understood that there is a state of Georgia right next to Florida as well as the country of Georgia in the Caucuses? Or that Austria and Australia are two different places? It's kinda like that. Don't be that kid, and start worshipping the right God right now.

6. Which religion has the most sand?  Obviously, Allah wins in a landslide (sandslide?).

5. This guy on the internet who really knows his stuff gives you some insider information on which God is real.
Prove to us that is not? You don't want scientific proof? what else do you want there is no other proof you need other then that! if you deny that then you have some problems and need to talk to Allah! if ua re a Muslim!

There is one ayah in Surah Al-Baqarah it says the disbelievers will never be happy with you until you believe what they believe! and that is proven

It says that Jews can not be trusted that is also been proven!

the qur'an has never been changed! - in response to How do we muslims know that islam is the only true religion?
 4. THIS guy on the internet who really knows his stuff gives you some insider information on which God is real.
I heard it once said that “Judaism is not a religion, it is a relationship.”. That really captures and underscores everything – I know this is the right choice because I am in a relationship with Hashem. - How [Do] I Know I Made The right Choice?
 3. Which God reflects my personal prejudices, irrational beliefs, and hatred/fears? That one is the right God.

2. I had this dream where ___________ (insert deity, saint, angel) tells me which God is real. I've had many, many dreams where Alyson Hannigan said that she wanted me to worship her. She said it, I believe it.

1.  I've got that deep feeling of conviction inside me. Whether it's the Holy Spirit ministering to you or, hey, maybe Allah's mercy  speaking to your heart, the important thing is that you go with that.



13 comments:

  1. Very funny list for choosing ones god.

    And if you make it through the list and have been resistant to all the attempts to show one the way, what is one left with? Atheism, that's what.

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  2. # 6 is pretty good but I think...If my god can beat up your god, then that is the ture God. that is why Thor is the most awesome God out there. Just my New Atheist opinion tho....Have a great weekend, bro,

    Kriss

    ReplyDelete
  3. FSM is the right god! He feeds you spiritual pasta everyday and when you die you get strippers and beer in heaven. LOL

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  4. I worship the Chocolate God. S/he feeds my soul with phenylethylamine.

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  5. Allah wins by a sandslide. Lost my coffee on that one!

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  6. What has been written so far says a lot about humans bit nothing about the true God, the One who gave us life itself. "God is not one to be mocked" Galatians 6:7,8

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  7. 1. The deep feeling of conviction is an important way to come to the truth. We often site our conscious but cannot really explain what that is. I am not sure why it is difficult for me to kill a butterfly when killing a moth is so easy. Obviously, deep convictions have no inherent relation to the truth. (I can only speak for what is taught in the Catholic Church). It has always been taught that faith and reason together is how we come to God. When we have a deep conviction that poisoning myself and others is my holy calling, we reasonably analyze that idea and hopefully come to the true conclusion that God would not require such an event.

    2. Same goes for the dream argument. Faith and Reason together.

    3. The Catholic God is not irrational or hateful of people, so this would be a poor choice in deity. As prejudice is an irrational judgment of people and God is not irrational or hateful of people, God does not have prejudices.

    4. People can say some important and truthful things on the internet sometimes. Take yourself for example. That being said, circular arguments like the one sited in #4 does not reveal any reasoning as to why someone might believe certain things. Remembers, circular arguments are completely valid, but they close off a specific description of one of the subjects and so are not able to explain a reasoning for a belief.

    5. I think the same objection stands for 4 as it does for 5.

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  8. The rest do not really warrant responses except for 10. Historical Evidence.

    Lack of evidence for some parts of the Bible does not mean the whole things is nonsense. It is important to follow the lines of evidence we do have combined with the evidence that we do not have.

    By the way, what story do you maintain regarding the empty tomb? Grave robbers? Apostles stealing the body? I can't really thing of any others right now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Myth at best. Probably deliberate con job.

      Your god is a con man.

      Delete
    2. My guess is satire, never meant to be believed. Written by mainstream Jews to ridicule the Messiah cult that was growing among them. The world's first ever example of Poe's Law.

      Delete

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