Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Star Wars Help Solve The Republican Angry White Man Deficit




Pertersburg, Kentucky The Republican Party has an answer to the nation's shortage of angry white males, and that answer is cloning technology. Senator Lindsey Graham  highlighted this concern,  “The demographics race we’re losing badly. We’re not generating enough angry white guys to stay in business for the long term.” As the Presidential Election is drawing closer the lack of Caucasian males is creating a bit of a panic amongst the GOP. Newly revealed Republican documents show that operatives scoured lacrosse and hockey games in order to fill all the seats at the convention in Tampa. "The situation was getting extreme," stated Republican organizer, Phillip Chanard, "We were thinking that we would need to drug and abduct Canadians simply to fill the convention hall."

And then Professor Piltdown, head researcher of the creationist wishful think-tank Answers in Genesis, made the phone call that would change everything. He had the answer to the upcoming Republican demographic apocalypse.

Clones. 

Angry white guy clones.

"Clones offer a way out for the GOP. Let's face it, if they didn't solve this angry white guy deficit they would end up like the Shakers or the elves of Middle Earth," said Professor Piltdown. "Then I saw this documentary "Attack of the Clones", and I thought Hey, if the Kiminoans could do it, why can't we?" He immediately contacted the executive board of Answers to Genesis. It was agreed that clones would solve the Republican as well as the issues facing fundamentalist Christianity. By creating legions of servile supporters all their hopes and prayers would come true. Due to new insights of the human genome the underground labs at the Creation Museum have been able to mold the character of their army: not too smart, a flair for misogyny, and of course very, very angry. Special age progression procedures are spitting out clones who are 55 years old.

The clones will be ready to flood the battleground states by November. Karl Rove's organization has pledged funding to ensure all of these new supporters have valid identification for voting.

Don't be surprised that if you see a herd of these guys at the polls on election day.

Attack of the Ditto Heads.
 

2 comments:

  1. Doesn't this raise some problems with the Christian view of science re:cloning...Oh never mind, I forgot that their religious views only count when they support the desired end.

    All kidding aside, funny bit...can you imagine more than one Rush!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Uurgh! The thought of Rush being cloned is just horrific. *shudder*

    ReplyDelete

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