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Thursday, April 24, 2014

35% of Tea Party Patriots Believe President Obama Hosts Cosmos

Idolater in Chief

In a recent nationwide survey 35% of those respondents self identifying as Tea Party Patriots condemn President Obama for taking time out from being President of the United States in order to host the hit FOX TV show Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey. Across the nation local groups are forming cells of resistance against the tyranny of scientific materialism.

From the regional center of Tea Party nation in Alabaster, Alabama the executive council of the organization held a public forum on this disturbing turn of events in the sanctuary of Warren Avenue Baptist Church.
Donald Faulkner
President Barack Hussein Obama has committed high crimes against these United States, and blasphemy in the eyes of the Lord. While we the people appreciate the time off he has taken from destroying our traditional way of life via the abuse of executive power, it is one hundred and ten percent wrong for him to go on TV like this and carry on. The office of the president is a sacred duty. The Oval Office should not have an astrologer in it. - opening remarks by Tea Party Patriot Regional President, Donald Faulkner
Shotguns were pounded on the floor in support of Mr Faulkner's brash statement. Faces in the pews were awash with concern, anger, and belief in God.

Monday, April 21, 2014

Top 10 list of what this atheist wants.

I was on Facebook the other day, and saw that vjack from Atheist Revolution reposted an old article As an atheist, what do I want? 

Well, here are some items on my wish list.

10 . Keep God off US money.

The country that has the Establishment Clause, (which prevents state endorsed religion) in its constitution, yet has God plastered on its currency.


And it gets weirder, too. Let's not forget this memorable quote supposedly from Jesus in the Bible.
It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God. - Mark 10:25
Somehow the esteemed Rev. M. R. Watkinson, Minister of the Gospel from Ridleyville, Pennsylvania, thought it was a good idea for the Almighty to grace US money (apparently, Jesus be damned).

Here is part of the letter he wrote in 1861 to ask the government to endorse Yahweh.

You are probably a Christian. What if our Republic were not shattered beyond reconstruction? Would not the antiquaries of succeeding centuries rightly reason from our past that we were a heathen nation? What I propose is that instead of the goddess of liberty we shall have next inside the 13 stars a ring inscribed with the words PERPETUAL UNION; within the ring the allseeing eye, crowned with a halo; beneath this eye the American flag, bearing in its field stars equal to the number of the States united; in the folds of the bars the words GOD, LIBERTY, LAW. 
This would make a beautiful coin, to which no possible citizen could object. This would relieve us from the ignominy of heathenism. This would place us openly under the Divine protection we have personally claimed. From my hearth I have felt our national shame in disowning God as not the least of our present national disasters.

Perhaps putting In God We Trust on cash is an easy way for God to identity who had too much of the stuff, and be quickly consigned to hell.

9. No one hassles me when I chose not to pray.

Easter Sunday, Christmas, weddings, etc, are all places where the godless are confronted with dirty looks -- if we're lucky -- when we choose not to pray. Personally, I keep my eyes straight ahead and think about muffins (chocolate chip is my fave). But some religious people are anti-muffinists. Even though I am not bothering them in their fantasy world, the evil looks I receive does break my reflection on the eternal question of blueberry vs chocolate chip.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

A Quick Atheist Dad Joke

The kids and I were talking about Easter, and the conversation drifted to transubstantiation -- the magical metamorphosis when the communion wafer actually turns into the body of Christ.

And here is the joke.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Americans more Skeptical about the Bible

Here is a real story that offers some hope to atheists in America.

The percentage of Americans who treat the Bible as just another piece of literature or myth is rising according to the American Bible Society's survey of the State of the Bible.
Now there are just as many Americans skeptical of the Bible as there are engaged with the Bible. 
There's more to that first paragraph, but I just want to point out the obvious: You can be engaged with the Bible and be skeptical of it at the same time. I like reading about vampires (don't judge me!) and quite engaged in the genre, but at no point do I think the undead are really going about draining blood from victims.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Saudi Arabian Secret Agents Steal Nietzsche's Body for Trial

Clerics in a secret meeting. All four agree that
the name of The Gay Science alone is worth damnation.
Riyadh, Saudi Arabia The body of Friedrich Nietzsche, 19th century German philosopher, was publicly tried, condemned, and then stoned by an angry crowd. The crime? In the official declaration by the Chief of Sharia Courts was that Mr Nietzsche had committed blasphemy in 1882 when he wrote in the groundbreaking book, The Gay Science, that God is dead.

Monday, April 7, 2014

I was on the Barely Domesticated Podcast

It was a Thursday night at 8:30 when Jack Matirko started recording the Banned in Saudi Arabia episode of the Barely Domesticated podcast. To tell you all the truth, standup comedy is easier to do in some ways than being on a podcast because the audience is always kind enough to let you know how much you suck (or don't). Sure, Jack laughed at my godless/nerdy shenanigans, but would anyone else?

I think so. With the amount of caffeine I drank it was either be funny or get a heart attack.

Test my assertion I ask you, dear reader, and listen to the evidence.

Click here to listen to the Banned in Saudi Arabia episode of the Barely Domesticated podcast.

Friday, April 4, 2014

10 Mistakes New Atheists Make

Freshly minted atheists come in all shapes and sizes. Some come from very religious backgrounds, and have survived a lifetime of indoctrination. Others atheists come from a casual, a la carte religious background where church focused on Gentle Jesus only and not his angry dad.

Regardless, there are some basic fallacies that new atheists tend to make. Here are a few.

10. Assuming That Facts Matter.

Not really. Not when you're talking to indoctrinated people. Religion is an emotional relationship between a believer (as the name implies, belief is first, thinking somewhere after that), and their belief system. That's why children are indoctrinated into faith. Very few adults would take the leap of faith if Mom and Dad had waited until they were 18 to tell them about Jesus or Mohamed. Religion is like racism -- the best way to fight such beliefs is for those inflicted to come into personal contact with atheists, in the former case, and people of other races in the latter.

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