|Typical Massachusetts cheekiness.|
The 5 cities that are destined for hellfire (lowest ranked) are:
96. Cedar Rapids, Waterloo, IA
97. San Francisco, Oakland, San Jose, CA
98. Boston, MA/Manchester, NH
99. Alban, Schenectady, Troy, NY
100. Providence, RI/New Bedford MA
"Without a doubt Massachusetts is heading for the same hellfire destined for Sweden and Denmark," stated Minister Andrew Kannard. "Scandinavian states are notoriously stable, happy, and secular. Massachusetts may not be Norway, but we felt it was necessary to reward an American province for good behavior."
Deval Patrick, governor of the most-damned state in the union, has been caught off guard by the EU's recognition. Staffers scrambled to do damage control as AM talk radio hosts sharpened their rhetorical blades to eviscerate "those brainy people who do that thing with their thinky gobs."
|Local child not happy about dinner.|
Texas and several other red states have created an online petition to force Massachusetts out of the United States of 'Merica. When asked how could Texas spearhead such a push when they themselves had recently wanted to secede from the country, Governor Perry stated, "This is God's country. The Almighty is mysterious and capricious." When a staffer whispered that capricious wasn't the correct word, Governor Perry yelled, "That's college talk!"
Meanwhile, many Massachusetts secretly worry that next year's Least Likely American State to Fall Into a Pit of Jabberwock award will go to Vermont or Oregon.
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Yes, this is a Poe.
But, the Bible-minded article is real as is the piece about Dec 8th having been Harvard Humanist Day in MA.