Thursday, March 28, 2013

Top Eight Concerns of Christian Bigots Regarding Gay Marriage

Christian fundamentalists are afraid of gay marriage getting accepted in America. Why?

I offer up the Top Eight Concerns of Christian Bigots Regarding Gay Marriage 


Gay icon Debra Messing
1. If gay marriage becomes law, then we're all going to have to pray to Debra Messing. 

Sure, you think it's a joke right now, but just wait until the government orders mandatory testing of your Will and Grace trivia.



2. Christian gays who are in the closet may realize that it's OK to come out.



3. *Rainbows are God's way of reminding people that He won't commit genocide by flooding the world again, and NOT a symbol of tolerance!


*Note: While flooding the world is off the table, other forms of genocide are still available to God.


4. Homo-Nazi fashionistas will give televangelist Benny Hinn the Preacher who looks most like a James Bond villain award.

I don't expect you to talk, Mr Bond. I expect you to tithe!



5. The term "Under God" is really going to have some icky connotations.

Theologically speaking, however, Christians would all agree that God is the top and they are all bottoms.


6. Every school in America is going to run its very own Project Runway.

The Three Horsemen of the Gaypocalypse.


7. Christians will feel the need to change the song lyrics 
Jesus loves me, this I know  to Jesus loves me, but as a friend and a personal Savior, not in that gay way...

Somewhere in Kentucky I'm sure a church has already made the change.





8. If gay marriage passes nationally, the whole country will end up like that hellhole Massachusetts.

It's horrible here. MA is the 3rd slimmest state, by this ranking MA is the 2nd best in education, 4th lowest divorce rate, and 5th in per capita income. Do I need to mention the healthcare, too?
*Note: The people of Massachusetts apologize for the reality show Wicked Single.

5 comments:

  1. Benny Hinn may be a human-rights-o-phobic asshole, but you gotta give him credit for the snazzy gray outfit.

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  2. I suppose you've heard it before, but "Jesus loves you." is not what you want to hear in a Mexican jail, nor is "Bend before Mohammed." an uncommon phrase in an Afghan prison! T.

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  3. This will add to our immigration problem from immigration to trafficking affect of Terrorist and a Health issue. This would give Terrorist a sword to migrate in America. This is not the equality of People. Will destroy the growth to our kids. Might as well cancel all marriage and no more tax loopholes. Change the way we occupy our Jails. How can anyone approve two guys adopting a baby girl? How sick does that sound? Trafficking would be legal just about.. This is so stupid even to think about gay marriage. Are we really becoming barbarians of entitlements to such a law? Where does it end? pets? Where does it go? How far?
    " Bacterial Meningitis Infections Accelerating Among New York Gay And Bisexual Men " This can cause a black plague to our health STD"s that will run right threw our Country .. Gay is a Attention disorder people that have no respect for themselves and do not communicate good with others.”

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