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Monday, January 14, 2013

Christians Find Genetic Switch that Turns on Homosexuality

Unlocking our genetic secrets with the Bible.

Researchers at University of Ignorantia have discovered the genetic switch that turns on homosexuality in men and women. HOMO1 is the 'master regulator' gene that controls exactly which gender a person is attracted to. The big break through, however, is the role sin plays in activating this gene. Scientists at the faith-based school for Christ-centered learning have long suspected that the acquisition of sin in a person's body is directly related to the change from a natural heterosexual behavior to the unnatural homosexual state. Andrew Kannard, lead scientist on the project, had this to say about this discovery,
We used the Bible as our guide for the research. Romans 1:25-27 clearly states how the scientific community should address homosexuality: They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen. Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones.  In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.
This finding conclusively puts to rest the question whether or not homosexuality is a choice. Previously, secular scientists (i.e., real scientists) had asserted that the sexual desire for one's own gender was firmly based in a person's DNA, while theists, armed with faith-based facts, declared that being gay was a choice. Scientists at the University of Ignorantia stated that their findings should make everyone happy in that while being gay is genetic, it is still wrong and most importantly the fault of the person who is gay.

"Sin is the catalyst that turns on HOMO1," stated Andrew Kannard. "A person's body can only possess so much of the stuff before the gene is turned on and the deleterious effects occur." He went on to clarify that God does not make HOMO1 turn on, and that it is purely the result of the metaphysical sinful substance accruing in bodily tissues. "It's a simple case of sowing the wind and reaping the whirlwind," Mr Kannard said.

Researchers at the school are working fervently to discover a way to shut off the gene temporarily so that the afflicted patient can see the errors of their ways, repent, and ask Jesus Christ to be their own personal Lord and Savior. It is agreed that shutting off HOMO1 altogether would be a violation of God's divine plan, but a few days of reverting back to the natural heterosexual state may just be the thing to clear a person's mind to avoid eternal hellfire.


Critics of the new findings point out that there are many homosexuals who exhibit same sex preferences at an early age. How could sin accumulate so quickly in the body, and turn on the gene? Mr Kannard replied, "Once again we must look to the Bible in order to point to the direction of future research. I would guess that sin is intergenerational and travels from parents to children. After all, it is written in Exodus, 'for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me?'



* I would like to thank Robert M Price and his podcast, The Human Bible, for the inspiration for this Poe.


 

10 comments:

  1. Well done Andy...I will say this much...you can bet that there are some Fundy folks out there looking for just this type of answer...both some type of genetic predisposition and a choice...its only a matter of time until we read something close to this...but not as POE...

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  2. Yes, because that's how genetics works.

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  3. The implications for genetic discrimination are daunting.

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  4. So what you're saying is that no real scientists back this up? Only fake ones? Christian ones?

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    1. This is why you "believe"! Gullible much? I'd like to introduce you to my lord and personal savior, Rational Thought.

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  5. By now, almost all thinking people understand that there is nothing too absurd, untrue, or illegal that the religious reich will not use it to attempt to impose their willfully ignorant opinions upon everyone else.

    Mankind will never be truly free until the black yoke of religion is lifted by the clear light of truth and rational reasoning.

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    1. The funniest part for me was the part where he says, "...faith based facts,..." ROFLMAO!!

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  6. Great post thanks for sharing a informative article keep it up...

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