Wednesday, November 28, 2012

A Few Jokes and Other Assorted Musings

Let's start off with a few jokes.

I thought I'd touch base with the regular readers of Purgatory and let you know what kind of deviltry I've been up to.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Atheists in Islamic Countries

I found this article in this week's Economist magazine titled No God, not even Allah -- Ex-Muslim atheists are becoming more outspoken, but tolerance is still rare.  I thought I'd share some of the highlights of the piece.
In a handful of majority-Muslim countries atheists can live safely, if quietly; Turkey is one example, Lebanon another. None makes atheism a specific crime. But none gives atheists legal protection or recognition. Indonesia, for example, demands that people declare themselves as one of six religions; atheism and agnosticism do not count. Egypt’s draft constitution makes room for only three faiths: Christianity, Judaism and Islam.

Monday, November 26, 2012

University of Kentucky at Canaan Establishes a Christian Only Dorm

Christ House

Canaan, Kentucky The University of Kentucky at Canaan has announced that it will offer students a Jesus centered dormitory. Beginning next semester the biblical based Christ House will open on the stated funded campus to offer young Christ followers the chance to escape the pressures of secular life. "Christ House is going to be the model for campuses nationwide who want to build a biblical community,"stated Kentucky University President, Abraham Longfellow.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

It's a Shadenfreude Thanksgiving!

I didn't have time to put this to music. Here it is..
It’s a Shadenfreude Thanksgiving!
When you gather round the table for Thanksgiving this year,
look around the room and see who’s there.
Uncle Tom, the drunk, not fooling anyone,
that coca-cola he’s drinking is full of rum.
Auntie Ethel’s gastric bypass went really swell
Fifty pounds lost and sixty pounds found, who’d a thought it wouldn’t end well?
It’s schadenfreude Thanksgiving this year, my friends,
It’s a schadenfreude Thanksgiving, the dysfunction never ends.
Turkey, gravy, and dressing is served as well as pie
Keep stuffing it down and laugh while they cry.

It’s Thanksgiving in America and everyone thinks
As bad as it is, I'm not one of them.
“Honey Boo-Boo’s not my kid,” countless parents say,
As their own children scream when they don’t get their way.
Priests preach sermons on how it was much better
When fags knew their places, women kept silent and altar boys had swagger.

It’s schadenfreude Thanksgiving this year, my friends.
It’s a schadenfreude Thanksgiving, the dysfunction never ends.
Turkey, gravy, and dressing is served as well as pie
Keep stuffing it down and laugh as you cry.

Thanksgiving day comes but once in a year.
Thanks to Facebook your relatives will always be near.
Posting Take America back!  Jesus is my hero!
They’ve never read the Bible, and don’t know the tome is schizo.
Yes, consumerism and gluttony rule this fowl day,
But be calm, all will be well, ‘cause Christmas is on its way!

It’s schadenfreude Thanksgiving this year, my friends,
It’s a schadenfreude Thanksgiving, the dysfunction never ends.
Turkey, gravy, and dressing is served as well as pie
Keep stuffing it down and laugh while they cry.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Top Ten Signs You May be an Overly Sensitive Atheist

But this is my inside voice.

Oh, I know you know one or two overly sensitive atheists.

You know that I know you know a few.

Look, let's just go onto the bit, eh?

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Being on the Left Hemispheres' Podcast

Windmills, the focus of my rage.

The guys over at the Left Hemispheres blog do a podcast and asked me to come on and guest host with them. This is quite brave, because the first time I was on I was soooo drunk that the last ten minutes of that episode I was cursing out a windmill on the Mount of Olives. (It sounds a lot funnier than it actually is.)

This time, however, I wasn't drinking and in retrospect I think it was a passable performance on my part. There were no rambling diatribes about  inanimate objects, and I was able to insert a few comical insights here and there. The name of the episode is I'm doing it right, you're not supposed to enjoy it .

I hope you listen to the episode and have a laugh.


Friday, November 16, 2012

Explaining Christmas with a Crappy Picture

I was at a Secular Coalition for Massachusetts meeting a few days ago, and the topic of raising children came up. Most of my confederates at the table gave what I consider the orthodox atheist policy statement: Indoctrination is bad. Simply give your children the the cognitive tools and they will eventually come up to the right conclusion. The implied message,of course, is that you shouldn't raise your kids as atheists.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

My Own Online White House Petition: Fund United We Is

I'm sure most of you have heard about the gaggle of online White House petitions from citizens of many states asking for secession. In response to such well reasoned and prudent actions, I too have created an online White House petition.

Here it is.

We Petition the Obama Administration to:

Fully fund United We Is.

This federal program will be the glue that keeps our Union together in a time of manufactured rage and secessionist online petitions. United We Is will unveil a variety of events that will occupy the minds of citizens who have too much rage, too much time and too little cognitive resources to handle a more inclusive America. Events will include the Jangling of Keys, where postal carriers shake car keys in front of Fox News consumers; Hit Your Head on Hardwood, where contestants gather together to see who can strike the bull's-eye with the most force; and Free Freedonia!, a talk show on am radio about the USA's incredibly successful military mission in a fictitious country. Please support United We Is so United We Is can save America.

I ask my fellow absurdists to drop whatever they are doing (feeding the baby, driving or writing your own online petition) and sign this important, world changing document.

Really, you should sign it now. Who knows how long it will stay up before it gets taken down.



Monday, November 12, 2012

New Biblical Research Reveals the Demonic Nature of the Platypus

Longtime readers of Purgatory are well aware of my affection for the noble platypus. The animal is a duck-billed, beaver-tailed, egg laying mammalian wonder. It is one of the few mammals armed with poison that is injected by a spur in the back leg of males (sorry, ladies, no poison for you). The bill has an electrolocation system that can detect prey by sensing the electrical fields of muscle contractions.

The platypus is a  marvel.

In keeping the Hitchensonian principle of religion poisons everything I wrote a guest post on Atheist Pig titled New Biblical Research Reveals the Demonic Nature of the Platypus. Take a look at it and enjoy.

I also wanted to announce a small victory against plagiarism. I noticed that my post Pope announces new entrance policy to Heaven got placed on Christwire, a spoof site satirizing Christians. I was surprised to see that I was not apparently the author of my own piece, someone else had taken credit for that comedic rambling.

Well, that wasn't really going to work for me.

At all.

I hastily shot off an email and proceeded to tweet on how that post was so funny it got plagiarized and placed on Christwire. Long story short, I got a very pleasant email from the site stating that the piece would be taken down, and it has.



Friday, November 9, 2012

Slavery in India

I was reading through an article in The Economist, Forced labour in India  and thought this would be worth sharing, because most Americans are drowning in debt (after purchasing my gas furnace I'm currently in the shallow end of the pool). While student loans can not be gotten rid of during bankruptcy, a vast majority of debt can be written off. Though the American system is far from perfect, we make take solace that we are not India.
BONDAGE, says Harsh Mander,a prominent Indian social activist, “is endemic. It is an essential factor of labour relations across India.” On October 31st Mr Mander and a host of others launched a new campaign against the practice. The desperately poor, especially indebted villagers, are often forced to toil for no wages and denied a chance to work elsewhere. They are slaves in all but name.

Depending how you define it—workers are usually snared after an employer gives or promises a small loan—victims number possibly in the millions. One activist describes how, last year, his group helped to free 512 bonded workers trapped in a single brick kiln in Tamil Nadu. All were migrants ferried in by a middleman from distant Odisha. They spoke no Tamil and had no notion of their legal rights or of a means of escape. In another case some of the 30 bonded workers found in a rice mill said that they had inherited debts from their parents.
...inherited bets from their parents if that happened in America we would all be working on Mitt Romney's farm (to turn the phrase from Bob Dylan).

Despite a 1975 law banning debt bondage, almost nobody is ever prosecuted. In any case the stipulated fine—2,000 rupees ($37)—is laughable, and hardly anyone is jailed. The campaigners in Delhi introduced Gurwail Singh in order to make their point. A Punjabi, Mr Singh says that five years ago he borrowed 5,000 rupees from a farmer and agreed to work on the fields to pay his debt. But after the employer slapped him with arbitrary “fines”, plus high rates of interest, he was told he owed over 100,000 rupees. He complained and was beaten so badly he ended up in hospital.
Let's see, intergenerational debt and an unregulated marketplace -- sounds like a paradise for the right wing.

I thank my fictitious god that most Republicans from the Deep South have never heard of India.

This is Purgatory.



Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Some Reflections On The Election

I made up a bunch of memes, some from last night and some from this morning. Enjoy.



Monday, November 5, 2012

My Interview At Deity Shmeity

Recently I was asked by Grundy over at the blog Deity Shmeity to do an interview. I happily obliged and you can read about my thoughts on comedy, parenting and godlessness. Click here to read the piece.


Sunday, November 4, 2012

Top Ten List Of What I'd Do If I Were In Charge.

I would never choose to be a politician simply because I don't have the ability to relentlessly pander to the masses. William Tecumseh Sherman, my favorite Civil War general and the man who came up with the "I intend to make Georgia howl" strategy, summed up the most sane response when offered the opportunity to enter Presidential politics.

If nominated, I will not run;
if elected, I will not serve.
But allow me to speculate what I would choose to do in case reality is turned upside down and I am given Presidential, nay, god-like powers to exercise my will on the United States of America.
Oh, I've given this some thought...

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Mitt Romney Preaches The Gospel

I was hoping that Mitt Romney was a garden variety political sociopath. You know, the kinda guy who says all kinds of crazy stuff, but doesn't believe any of it.

Well, I'm thinking that he may actually believe all this crazy Mormon doctrine and that scares me. I'd rather have a liar in the White House than a true believer.

Here is Mitt talking the crazy. I found this on the New Humanist and supposedly Mitt said these things when he was off-air. What makes me think he actually believes this crap is how animated the guy acts.



Here is an excerpt,
Christ appears in the Mount of Olives, and splits the Mount of Olives and appears in Jerusalem. That's what the Church says. And then over a thousand years, the world is reigned in two places, Jerusalem and Missouri

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