Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Mike Huckabee Blames Unknown Future Disaster on Two Gay Guys Getting Engaged at the White House

Mike Huckabee announcing his new clothing line.

*Mike Huckabee has announced that a future disaster of biblical proportions will be directly caused by Mathew Phelps and Ben Shock getting engaged at the White House. Mr Phelps, an active duty Marine Corps Captain, popped the question to his beau yesterday, and then the happy couple posed in front of the White House Holiday Tree for a picture. Within minutes of the story breaking, Mike Huckabee wrote on MikeHuckabee.com that the upcoming nuptials had sealed the deal on the smiting of America.
Traditional marriage and Christmas took a terrible body blow today. The secularists who wish to undermine the biblical foundation of America have snuck into the White House two unrepentant homosexuals who have publicly announced their desecration of marriage. Their engagement has put God and America on a collision course. 
Mr Huckabee consoled his fans that he does have a three point plan to protect real Americans.
  1. Large signs pointing out where the atheists are. Just as the Angel of Death avoided the houses that were painted with lamb's blood, whatever smiting that God plans should be directed at the source of the problem. In that vein large neon signs will be erected on flatbed trucks and will be driven by atheist homes and areas where they congregate. These vehicles will stop for a few moments, light up the signs and then beep their horns, just to make sure God knows where to direct the divine retribution.
  2. Rolling Nativity Scenes Seeing that the Freedom From Religion Foundation (FFRF) constantly challenges faith-based monuments on public land, Mike Huckabee will be utilizing large flatbed trucks carrying nativity scenes to slowly circle Christian communities, occasionally stopping to hand out FOX News bumper stickers.
  3. The Bible Shield clothing line For good Christians who want maximum protection from mayhem, Mike Huckabee announces the Bible Shield clothing line. T-shirts, pants, pajamas will proudly display God's promises to protect his flock with embroidered sayings like For the LORD loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones. They will be protected forever, but the offspring of the wicked will be cut off; Psalm 37:28 (Note: MikeHuckabee.com is the only place you purchase these divinely protected clothes.)
"Even though we don't know when God is going to attack America, I think we can be rest assured that through my strategy the Almighty will launch his wrath in focused, smart bomb manner, with the smallest amount of collateral damage," stated the one time Republican candidate for President.

*It's unfortunate that I feel the need to point out that this is a Poe


  1. Hey wow maybe after were all singled out
    Mr Huckabee will want to start rounding us up and putting us in camps. Lets just hope history wont repeat itself.

  2. Well done Andy. I was appalled by Huckabee's comments, but have not yet written on the topic. I think your piece does a great job of illustrating how absurd his comments are.

    His comments did far more than seek to achieve his own ends. They also did much to paint us atheists as immoral people and to place at least part of the blame for tragedies like Newtown on us. That is completely absurd and needed to be pointed out.

  3. Lol a all knowing god needs big neon sings to know whos who?

    1. I guess signs on truck must be the modern version of lambs blood smeared over a doorway that was used to direct God when he went around one night and murdered all the children of Egypt.


Google+ Badge

Pageviews last month