"Atheists' refrigerators are infested with misogyny. I have here in my hand a list of 205 -- a list of vegetables and fruit that harbor anti-woman beliefs and engage in anti-woman practices," stated prominent feminist/atheist blogger Michelle McCarthy. Ms McCarthy uttered those words recently at the Skeptic Symposium held at Wheeling, West Virginia. She continued to state that she had seen firsthand how misogynistic cabals were being formed in her own vegetable crisper when the little light was off. The only way she could find to thwart the evil plot from spreading outside the fridge to the bananas was to jerry-rig the light to stay on at all times and then eat lots and lots of salad.
Immediately after hearing the horrible tale of subversive victuals, Ms McCarthy's followers tweeted, updated Facebook statuses, and commented on McCarthy's blog on how they always felt that the squash family were "jackasses" and how those fleshy seed filled plant life were "damn fools."
Michael Mersher, a well known skeptic with a wee bit of a superiority problem, raised his hand to ask Ms McCarthy, "Please reveal your list of offending grocery items, as well as any evidence you have of their crimes." To which the room exploded with cries of "Pro-fruitist!" and "Vegetable-enabler!"
"Michael Mersher is not a pure atheist, and if you're not a pure atheist, then you have impurity, and one impure atheist will spoil the entire apple barrel of godlessnes," Ms McCarthy said after the riot subsided. "What is important is that this secret list of 57 common items found in the produce section never find a home at any atheist conference dinner, lunch, or snack table. Any such organization that offers refuge to such horrors must be shunned by all."
A Committee of Gastronomic Community Safety (CGCS) has been set up to investigate reports of nefarious foodstuffs and those who enjoy them. The identities of the members forming the committee are considered organizational secrets and will not be made public. The rules and procedures of the group will also stay hidden to outsiders. What is deifinite, however, is that swift justice will be administered by the CGCS.