Thursday, December 13, 2012

Feminist Atheist Blogger Accuses Produce of Misogyny





"Atheists' refrigerators are infested with misogyny. I have here in my hand a list of 205 -- a list of vegetables and fruit that harbor anti-woman beliefs and engage in anti-woman practices," stated prominent feminist/atheist blogger Michelle McCarthy. Ms McCarthy uttered those words recently at the Skeptic Symposium held at Wheeling, West Virginia. She continued to state that she had seen firsthand how misogynistic cabals were being formed in her own vegetable crisper when the little light was off. The only way she could find to thwart the evil plot from spreading outside the fridge to the bananas was to jerry-rig the light to stay on at all times and then eat lots and lots of salad.

Immediately after hearing the horrible tale of subversive victuals, Ms McCarthy's followers tweeted, updated Facebook statuses, and commented on McCarthy's blog on how they always felt that the squash family were "jackasses" and how those fleshy seed filled plant life were "damn fools." 

Michael Mersher, a well known skeptic with a wee bit of a superiority problem, raised his hand to ask Ms McCarthy, "Please reveal your list of offending grocery items, as well as any evidence you have of their crimes." To which the room exploded with cries of "Pro-fruitist!" and "Vegetable-enabler!"

"Michael Mersher is not a pure atheist, and if you're not a pure atheist, then you have impurity, and one impure atheist will spoil the entire apple barrel of godlessnes," Ms McCarthy said after the riot subsided. "What is important is that this secret list of 57 common items found in the produce section never find a home at any atheist conference dinner, lunch, or snack table. Any such organization that offers refuge to such horrors must be shunned by all."  

A Committee of Gastronomic Community Safety (CGCS) has been set up to investigate reports of nefarious foodstuffs and those who enjoy them. The identities of the members forming the committee are considered organizational secrets and will not be made public. The rules and procedures of the group will also stay hidden to outsiders. What is deifinite, however, is that swift justice will be administered by the CGCS.



 

10 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Thanks, man. I read the articles (Loftus', Sherman's, and Ophelia's) and this was just too much in the strike zone for me not to take a swing at it.

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  2. I propose we form V+, for vegetables with a social conscience.

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  3. That is funny! ...be prepared to catch the heat on it though...some will certainly be offended.

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    Replies
    1. I'm not worried. These satirical posts aimed at atheists typically don't get too much attention.

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  4. As a vegetable-loving fruit-loving lady atheist, I admit that I have carrots, broccoli, spinach, strawberries, blueberries and grapefruit in my fridge at the moment. I sometimes leave it in there even after it goes bad rather than put it in the trash because nobody wants to smell stinkyass moldy oldies. They should stay in their place until it's time to take a dirt nap.

    Note, however, I do not ever melons in the fridge. Those can usually be found only in the homes of gentlemen atheists.

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  5. Good one:)

    I never have been able to understand how you can cut through all the frustration in life, and have such a sharp sense of humor.

    In my opinion, especially with people like the "No Thought" blogs types, the word misogynist is quickly becoming the internet's 21st century version of McCarthyism.

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    Replies
    1. These satirical posts pop into my head whole cloth, so to speak. There is a relationship of how egregious the original story was to how simple the satire is to write.

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  6. There are certainly many bona fide misogynists around, but the mere presence of a cantaloupe in your fridge doesn't automatically make you one.

    Kumquats, on the other hand....

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  7. This internecine warfare is disturbing. While we atheists pride ourselves on rational thinking we find ourselves still falling prey to the same personal conflicts that are the hallmarks of the religious. Who is a true Atheist? Who gets to decide? Why can't we have a reasoned discussion on serious issues without breaking into splinter groups? (Cue Life of Brian) How do we deal with actual incidents of misogyny without turning it into a PC witch-hunt? Just where are the adults when you need them?

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