|But this is my inside voice.|
Oh, I know you know one or two overly sensitive atheists.
You know that I know you know a few.
Look, let's just go onto the bit, eh?
10. You're watching The Avengers with your kids at home and pause the movie in order to let little Billy and Jane know Clarke's Third Law-- Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic -- so that they don't think Thor is a real god.
9. Do simply hearing the names PZ Myers, Rebecca Watson or Justin Vacula give you an apoplectic fit?
(Sorry, for any readers who suffered a seizure due to simply reading the names, I should've put a warning in there.)
8. You email potential romantic partners a questionnaire to determine where they fall on the Spectrum of Theistic Possibility. Of course, only sevens need apply.
7. You feel you're the focus of an international faith-based conspiracy organized by theists designed to rob you of basic cable and high quality produce.
6. You have made your own Logical Fallacies business sized cards so that you can pass them out when necessary. You bask in your ability to be right, and wonder why you're so unpopular.
5. You start bar fights with other atheists over the best translation of the Bible.
4. You see someone wearing a St Anselm's College t-shirt or hoodie and misconstrue this as an invitation to rhetorically throw down over the absurdity of the ontological argument for God.
3. Fifty godless bumper stickers on your Vespa scooter is a sign of a problem. Really, no lie.
2. You prepare for your personal War on Christmas in July. (I wait until September.)
1. Every bit of satire about atheists or atheism is considered treasonous. You can only hang with people who take the nonexistence of imaginary friends seriously.