Wednesday, October 17, 2012

NFL Challenge Rules To Apply In Future Presidential Debates


Bringing some order to the debates

The Commission for Presidential Debates has announced the adoption of NFL challenge rules that will be instituted for all future presidential debates. The challenge rules will allow each side the opportunity to stop the action on the debate stage to give the Justiciar, an official from the BBC (considered a neutral as well as an intelligent arbitrator), to observe the replay, review facts and offer a judgment. The change of procedure was instituted due to the widespread complaints on how 'that other guy' goes about lying and how there is no one fact checking as the action occurs. The traditional reply to such complaints has been that people could look at the facts on their own later on, but that would require Americans to invest more time and effort in a task that they have very little interest in (i.e., facts).

The new Presidential Challenge Rules are as follows:


1. Each candidate is given two red flags before the debate. If a candidate wants to challenge a statement he or she throws down a red flag and yells out,

"LIAR!!!"

2. At that point the flag boy or flag girl scurries onto the stage and grabs the flag and gives it to the moderator. The Commission guessed that some unscrupulous candidates may try to pick up the flag to get more challenges than allowed. The flag boy/girl positions will help guarantee fair on-stage play.

3. The Justiciar will go under 'the hood' and observe the assertion made by that particular candidate from different angles. He or she will be given five minutes to review the facts from a variety of sources (i.e., peer reviewed journals, government reports, etc).

4. The judgment will be made. The Justiciar may call the assertion in question:
  • True
  • True enough
  • True, but stated in the most idiotic fashion.
  • Mostly false.
  • False
  • False, and stated in the most idiotic fashion.
  • FOX News level of falsehood.

5. If a candidate makes a FOX News level falsehood  the guilty party will be placed in the *time out box The opponent is given two minutes of debate time to say anything they want, and whatever is said in those two minutes can not be challenged.

6. If a candidate makes two successful challenges during the debate, he or she will be given an extra flag.

7. The closing statements in the debate are unchallengeable. The candidates may revert to typical form and distort the truth as much as desired.


*Yes, the Commission are hockey fans, too.
 

2 comments:

  1. Imagine if this were true...I know you are writing it "tongue in cheek" but I would find it quite refreshing if similar rules were adopted!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Great posting! I suggest a more injurious penalty for lying. The guilty party must place a tender part of his or her body (I believe you would know which parts) in a filing cabinet drawer and the opponent would get the chance to slam the drawer shut, or at least, almost shut. Lying should have a painful penalty.

    ReplyDelete

Google+ Badge

Pageviews last month