Friday, October 19, 2012

My Guest Post: Scholar Awarded Templeton Prize for Proving Jesus' Virgin Birth

One of our chickens.

Sheldon Cooper, the blogger at The Ramblings of Sheldon, asked me to do a guest post for him, and in following Purgatory's policy in spreading around the funny, I agreed. The full name of the piece is Scholar Awarded Templeton Prize for Proving Jesus' Virgin Birth --  The Templeton Prize Awarded to Dr. Deepak Oz Mountebank.

I think it's one of my better pieces with a variety of jokes hidden in the post.

I wanted to add something else, a personal story that I was going to put in my monthly thank you letter to email subscribers, but decided it could go here...

As many of you know we have four chickens at my house (we brought our rooster, Big Red, to a local farm because he was making too much noise). Our kids, Will and Ali, go outside every morning to feed the birds and refill the water. One morning, Will had all ready completed his task -- refilling the water container -- and Ali was about to go outside to feed the birds. It's important to point out that Ali is afraid of the chickens. I don't know why. It may have started as some sort of game with her brother (who did get pecked by Big Red). Regardless, at this point my *wife says, "I'll go outside to get the chickens back into the coop."

In retrospect it's weird what makes my blood pressure go up. Oddly enough my daughter's fear of animals several links lower down the food chain is one of them.

"Ali, birds are our food. You are a human being! We have thumbs! Do not be afraid of the chickens!"

This was not one of my better speeches. She gave me a confused look. (I get that a lot.) Ali then turned, went outside and fed the chickens, hopefully without any lasting trauma. If she remembers anything from our exchange it will probably be something about Dad preaching the dogma of Homo sapien barnyard supremacy.

One of my guiding principles as a parent is to prepare my children for a possible zombie apocalypse (i.e., radical Christians taking control of the government). How can she be ready for that if she's afraid of chickens?

This is Purgatory.

* I just want to point out that this story puts in a very favorable light. My wife has noticed that she does not enjoy the same lighting in my tales. I should point out that in my house, I'm just as likely to be the schlemiel as the schlemazel.



  1. Never had a big bad ass rooster come after ya when you was a kid huh Andy? Many kids fear roosters.

    YIKES! I just think I saw that mean bastard peek out from around the barn getting ready to ambush me.

    1. Guilty as charged, sir. I almost lost my eye due to a dog. Had the fear of canines for quite some time afterwards.

    2. You're not guilty of anything. Some roosters can be ruthless.

    3. It's geese that scare me, they're vicious

  2. My wife and I once had a rooster that was gay. He didn't play well with the other roosters and hens and was constantly putting up a fuss. So we did the logical thing. We cooked and ate him.

  3. The nicest thing about an aggro rooster is that he's the perfect size for a good punt. If he's too dumb to back off after that, it at least gives you time to get inside or through a gate.


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