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Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Disney Buys The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter-Day Saints

Los Angeles - The Walt Disney Company has announced the purchase of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (LDS) in a 4.05 billion dollar package that includes cash and stock.

Andrew Menteur, CEO of Disney, stated that after the recent acquisition of Lucasfilm buying the 175 year old church was a logical choice,"We wanted to corner the science fiction/fantasy market."

The LDS brings much to Disney. The church has a worldwide reach and a legion of fans dedicated to the fantastical story of how the angel Moroni gave Joseph Smith, reported conman, golden plates that only he could translate with the aid of his special divining stone. Unlike Lucasfilms, the creator of the LDS stellar mythology where mere mortals can rule their own planet, is long dead and can no longer interfere with the production of high quality Disney/LDS products.

"We don't want to dilute the LDS brand, but Disney is looking to tweak some of the traditional merchandise and give it a fresh look," stated Mr Menteur.

The new and improved Mormon underwear
Experts agree that Disney got an exceptionally good deal. Although the LDS claims 14 million members sociologists estimate that there are only 5 million active members. The LDS' recent decision to lower the missionary age from 19 to 18 in men and 21 to 19 for women has been widely seen as a desperate move to expand their base of followers. What the real prize for the Disney
Company are the 139 active temples as well as the 29 future ones in the pipeline.

"The Walt Disney Company is an American company. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is an American faith. Disney will promote the family values that the LDS represents through our movies. Our acquisitions of Pixar and Lucasfilm will be involved in LDS inspired films all ready in production: Star Wars: Moroni's Revenge, The Day the Ewoks Died, a retelling of the Mountain Meadows massacre on the forest moon of Endor and Jar Jar Binks Bible Stories,  a kids' film featuring that lovable character playing all those classic characters like Noah, Moses and Jesus." - Andrew Menteur


One of the added benefits is the extra exposure Disney is going to garner due to this deal occurring so close to the general election. The Romney campaign is trying to eek out every benefit it can by being associated with such a classic American institution.


Mitt Romney is truly
the leader of the club made for you and me.
 

4 comments:

  1. If this were actually true it would scare the shit out of me. Why? Because it would be the closest thing to Heinlein's Fosterites that we'd ever see.

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  2. I liked your old style blogs better than this type of stuff you're doing now, Andy! Time to get back to the cool blogs you used to do. Sorry!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think you're on to something. We just got back from the magic kingdom, and there were red Utah shirts everywhere.

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  4. THIS BLOG IS 100% FALSE. THE CHURCH OWNER IS JESUS CHRIST, HE OWNS THIS WORLD SO WHY HE NEEDED TO SELL HIS OWN CHURCH IF HE OWNS EVERYTHING? HEY YOU! THINK BEFORE YOU CLICK! THIS BLOG WILL BE THE EVIDENCE AGAINST YOU ON THE JUDGEMENT BAR.

    ReplyDelete

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