Pakistan Reforms Blasphemy Laws -- Pokémon Fans Are Dismayed

 

Islamabad, Pakistan The Islamic Republic of Pakistan has announced a dramatic change in its infamous blasphemy laws. Pokémon, the trading card game that has spawned cartoons, comics, movies, and videogames, is now off limits to criticism.  

Section 295-C of the Pakistani legal code previously stated, ““Whoever by words, either spoken or written, or by visible representation or by any imputation, innuendo, or insinuation, directly or indirectly, defiles the sacred name of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) shall be punished with death, or imprisonment for life, and shall also be liable to fine.”

Section 295-C now states, “Whoever by words, either spoken or written, or by visible representation or by any imputation, innuendo, or insinuation, directly or indirectly, defiles the sacred name of the Holy Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and/or any Pokémon related product (gotta catch them all, peace be upon them all) shall be punished with death, or imprisonment for life, and shall also be liable to fine.”

The government moved quickly to change the law due to the recent outcry regarding the barbaric way Rimsha Misah, the fourteen year old girl with Down’s syndrome who was falsely charged with blasphemy, was treated.  “We heard the people’s concern and we responded,” stated Interior Minister Aakar Kanard. “We knew the law was imperfect, and poor little Rimsha’s case brought that point home. Now everyone in Pakistan who follows the Qur’an or is a fan of Psyduck can rest assured that no one will blaspheme against their deeply held beliefs

The reformed law does paint a rather broad brush, ensuring state protection over every type of Pokémon (earth, psychic, water, legendary, etc.) as well as any past, present, or future media manifestations of those loveable creatures.  

The International Pokémon Fanboy and Fangirl Federation (IPFFF) reacted to the reformed law with dismay. The executive committee met behind closed doors and produced a short message to the Pakistani government, “We want nothing to do with you people. Please take up Yu-Gi-Oh!”