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Sunday, August 26, 2012

The Glock 19 Has Been Named The Official Handgun Of The 2012 Republican National Convention




Tampa. Florida The Glock 19 sub automatic pistol with 33 round high capacity magazine has been named the official handgun of the 2012 Republican National Convention. Since its inception in 1982 by Gaston Glock the handgun has become a favorite due to its durability as well as its smooth triggering mechanism which enhances accuracy.

"The Austrian pistol has a special place in American culture," stated Dolly MacDonald, convention organizer. "Two-thirds of our police departments use the Glock and who hasn't seen a movie where the heroes gun down Muslims using this wonderful weapon?"

A variety of Glock related events are being held in and around the convention hall. Dr Dre is leading a roundtable discussion with other professionals from the music industry named "The Glock: It's like that ". Topics to be covered are the lyrical expressions of Glock culture along with an insightful analysis comparing the Glock 19 with its close relatives the Glock 17, the subcompact Glock 29, and the Glock 36. A lecture titled "The Glock and American Capitalism" will focus on how Glock was able to convince American police departments to trade in their old weapons for newer more powerful handguns. The manufacturer then flooded American streets with the older pistols via the used handgun market.

In an unfortunate turn of events, Hurricane Isaac has shut down the first day of the GOP convention. Seeing a golden opportunity Glock is sponsoring a "Shoot the Hurricane" event where delegates will don red white and blue rain slickers and take the fight to the weather system itself. After an opening prayer by Reverend Daniel King -- who is also a delegate -- shooters will be able to unload bullet after bullet into the raging storm.
I say the homos are to blame for bringing the storm down on us. This is God's vengeance on His people for treating gays equally. - Reverend Daniel King
There has been controversy, of course, amongst Republicans about having the Glock 19 as the official handgun of the convention. Many people wanted the traditional Glock 17 or the Glock 26 which was designed to be used as a concealed weapon. The Glock 19 eventually won out as a compromise candidate even though many Republicans are still saying that there are better nominees out there.
 



 

5 comments:


  1. Glocks...glocks are for gangstars..oh wait.

    K

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  2. This is a gem that some will probably take seriously. Love the part about unloading into the storm.

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  3. If god brought the hurricane because of gay equality, then aren't the GOP's (God's Own Party), shooting their own god? That's called critical thinking! Republicans could never figure that one out.

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  4. "Caligula planned a campaign against the Britons in 40, but its execution was bizarre: according to Suetonius, he drew up his troops in battle formation facing the English Channel and ordered them to attack the standing water. Afterwards, he had the troops gather sea shells, referring to them as "plunder from the ocean, due to the Capitol and the Palace".[5] Modern historians are unsure if that was meant to be an ironic punishment for the soldiers' mutiny or due to Caligula's derangement." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roman_conquest_of_Britain

    "According to Herodotus (vv.34), both bridges were destroyed by a storm and Xerxes had those responsible for building the bridges beheaded and the strait itself whipped. The Histories of Herodotus vii.33-37 and vii.54-58 give details of building and crossing of Xerxes' Pontoon Bridges. Xerxes is then said to have thrown fetters into the strait, given it three hundred lashes and branded it with red-hot irons as the soldiers shouted at the water.[4]" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dardanelles#Greek_and_Persian_history

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