Thursday, August 9, 2012

Missouri Names God As Its Official State Deity

Jefferson City, Missouri  Legislators in Missouri's state capitol have officially voted God its state deity. In a unanimous vote met with thundering applause, the Religious Freedom Bill was then brought to Governor Jay Nixon's office. He immediately signed it into law.
The Show Me State can now show the world what kind of moral people live here. God is now the official deity of Missouri and takes His place amongst our *state's official bird, Sialia Sialis, official state invertebrate, the crayfish, and our state dinosaur, the Hypsibema missouriensis. May God bless us as well as our state emblems. - Governor Jay Nixon  
The sponsor of the bill, Republican Representative Mike McCarthy, was brought to tears over the passing of the law. Given that this is McCarthy's last term in the legislature due to the scandals regarding his affairs with his family's live-in nanny, an intern, and a Girl Scout, this is the legislator's crowning achievement. "I love this country, Jesus, and Thin Mints," stated the teary adulterer.

The Religious Freedom Bill had the enthusiastic support of Missouri's four Catholic bishops as well as a variety of faith-based family groups like FANATIC (Family Association Naturally Allied Towards Intense Christianity). However, not a religious groups were pleased. "The Greek Orthodox community wanted the law to be written to point out that the Holy Spirit was not of the same substance as God-the-Father," sneered Bishop Coughlin. "The final bill was a compromise in that the document is agnostic regarding the nature of the Trinity."

Muslims are quite happy with the state of affairs in Missouri, surprising many. A pro Religious Freedom Rally was held by the followers of Mohammed on the steps of the Governor's mansion as the legislation was being signed.
We are ecstatic that the wall separating Church and State is crumbling! We are very similar to the Christians in Missouri wanting a co-mingling of religion and government. When Islam becomes the dominant faith here we will only need to change the official state deity's name from God to Allah. Praise be Allah! And thank you Christians! - Imam Mohammed Islam

*Yes, Missouri actually has these for state emblems.


  1. "I love this country, Jesus and Thin Mints." y'all beat northern California to it...we'd probably pick a Hinud God, tho. Ya know with all that yoga we do-n-stuff.


  2. Stop pulling our legs with these make-believe stories. It's getting so I can't tell if you Americans are kidding or serious anymore. Because theocracy and all the nuttiness that goes with it seems to be on the increase in the U.S. I'm getting to lose respect for the good ole U.S. of A. Just kidding! You Americans make me laugh! signed: A sane Canadian!

  3. What the people of Missouri have done this week is a shame. It only has the potential to set back the education of countless a time where education is or should be of paramount importance. Good call, making a parody of the (bad) joke that has become Missouri state politics.

    1. I read the "real" Missouri story and my freakin head almost exploded.

  4. The people of Missouri didn't do it. Unfortunately there's more here who want to dumb our kids down more by making it legal to not educate them with facts.

  5. Guess I won't be moving to Missouri any time soon.


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