Cobb's Parish, Louisiana The school committee in this bucolic Louisiana community has unanimously voted that students are to be taught that whales are not mammals but fish. The vote was announced last Sunday in churches everywhere to standing applause.
Reverend Jerome "Stonewall" Longstreet lead the charge in gathering support for the change in policy.
The process to change to curriculum vittles for our children took time to accomplish. But doing the Lord's work is never easy. We had to electrify the people with knowledge concerning the biological blasphemy.The blasphemy that the man of God is referring to are these verses in the Bible that clearly state that whales are fish.
Now the Lord had prepared a great fish to swallow up Jonah. And Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights. Jonah 1: 17
For as Jonas was three days and three nights in the whale's belly; so shall the Son of man be three days and three nights in the heart of the earth. Mathew 12:40Reverend Stonewall reports that he had a vision of the Lord while eating at the local Chik-fil-A to go out and preach the truth about the large aquatic animals. He then started the Take Back the Fish! campaign with its faith-based slogan "God says whales is fish!" The reverend organized many educational events like the If whales are fish then why they got fins? BBQs that spoke directly to the hearts of the school committee members.
The truth was right there in front of us. I don't know why we ignored it for so long. I imagine it was because the Devil is in control of the school book-industrial complex. - Jefferson Picket, school committee memberThere have been dissenting voices, however, regarding the change in educational policy. Local residents have charged that the new rules go too far. "Why they need to know 'bout fish anyways?" stated an anonymous longtime resident. "Fish learnin' sounds about as useful as geomephy."
*It's unfortunate, but I really think that this story requires a disclaimer declaring that it is 100% fake.
This is Purgatory.