The Alpha Magnetic Spectrometer Has Found The Antimatter Universe

Are antiparticles really anti-social?

The antimatter universe has been discovered, sowing chaos within the scientific and theological elites. The Alpha Magnetic Spectrometer or AMS has been connected to the International Space Station or ISS  in order to detect Antimatter Supercharged Stuff or ASS. The AMS has been collecting data for some time, and scientist C. Ann Ard announced the findings to an awaiting world early this morning.

After analyzing the data the research team can confidently say that we have found evidence of a vast antimatter universe far away from our own. The AMS has found ASS that could only be caused by such a universe.

C. Ann Ard went on to say that it was previously thought that when the universe came into being 13.7 billion years ago there were equal amounts of matter and antimatter. However, the antimatter has all but vanished. Many theories on what happened to the antimatter have been proposed, but with the new data the mystery is solved: antimatter migrated far away from positive matter.

But the migration was not a natural event.

We have reason to believe to believe that an intelligence drew the antimatter far away into a dark area of space. We know this because after finding out about the existence of the antimatter universe, the Hubble Space Telescope was trained on it. I want to warn you that what you're about to see isn't pretty.

What was remarkable about the photograph from the space telescope is that the alien being kindly burned his name into the image from countless light years away.
But was it kindness that made the being introduce himself?

It was definitely not kindness that caused the Anti-Monitor  to let us know his name. Rather, this creature is the enemy of all positive matter. The space telescope also took images of what has occurred to other adjacent positive matter universes.

Images don't lie: alternative Earths have been destroyed by waves of antimatter.

Worst of all, we have intercepted communications between the antimatter universe and people right here on our own planet. From what we have been able to discern, these people are agents of the Anti-Monitor, and looking to destroy all mankind in the mad dreams of the Dark Lord.

Though C. Ann Ard did not wish to list all of the agents, since the list was so long, she did name a few at the head of the apocalyptic cabal.

An organization dedicated to 17 round pistol magazines, automatic weapons,
and the antimatter universe.

That's right, evil antimatter cows actually run Chick-fil A.
It explains a lot.