Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Chik-fil-A Proudly Supports The Aryan Nations' Olympics

Chik-fil-A, fast food giant and proud supporter of heterosexual marriage, has officially partnered with the Church of Jesus Christ-Christian (i.e. Aryan Nations) to produce a faith-based alternative to the Olympics. The games are planned in the woods of Louisiana in late August.

J.M. Saggs
"The Chik-fil-Aryan Games are a call to all white people who love their race and family friendly food," stated J.M, Saggs, organizer of the event. "What we are doing is offering a forum where Christian traditional families can enjoy traditional American/Christian sports: hillbilly handfishing, competitive noose tying, as well as the cross build and burn."

Work has been going on in the backwoods of Louisiana for quite some time. The stadium for the games has all ready been built, and locals love to visit for a chance to see the impressive building.



An exact replica of the
1936 Summer Olympic stadium.

Not everyone, however, is happy about the competition. Mitt Romney has been outspoken on his concerns about the Chik-fil-Aryan Games.
It's hard to know just how well [the 2012 Games] will turn out. There are a few things that were disconcerting. The stories about the private security firm not having enough people, the supposed strike of the immigration and customs officials, that obviously is not something which is encouraging." 
J.M. Saggs has written a letter to Mr. Romney stating that the Aryan Nation's private security service has everything under control, and that Chik-fil-A fry cooks will make sure that Muslims and Jews will not enter the Games'  perimeter.
Unfortunately it is too late to buy a seat because every event is sold out. A possible reason why the Games are going to be so popular is that families will be able to compete in one event: the Fit Families contest.
We have restarted the proud tradition of the Fit Families Competition that was quite popular in America prior to World War II. Families will be judged on a variety of desireable genetic traits. We are training judges by showing them winners from previous years. - J.M. Saggs
Mr Saggs volunteered some photographs of previous competitions.

Each state will have its own building
in the Chik-fil-Aryan Fitter Families Competition.


The winners of the 1926 small-family competition.






3 comments:

  1. Small Family Competition Dad = Bill O'Reilly?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dude, that really does look like O'Reilly. The guy must be one of the undead.

      Delete
  2. Every time I read "backwoods of Louisiana" I hear Dueling Banjos playing. I will assume Ned Beatty will not be the emcee of any events.

    ReplyDelete

Google+ Badge

Pageviews last month