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Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Jihadists For Democracy

The JDC's headquarters.


Cairo, Egypt The Jihadist Democracy Party (JDC), a new political organization, is taking its place in the political drama that is currently enveloping Egypt. The JDC was originally a splinter group that formed from several other political parties such as Jihadists for a Better Egypt, Egyptian People's Jihadist Party and the Sharia Democracy People's Front. Currently it is receiving widespread support amongst the disenfranchised population.
"Yes, we are getting widespread support amongst the disenfranchised population of Egypt," stated Mohammed al-Canard at a human rights conference being held in Cairo, "and luckily for us that is pretty much everybody in Egypt."

The JDC, Mr al-Canard emphasized, is not a one issue political party like their main political rivals the Muslim Religious Freedom Party. "Those guys are one trick ponies, all of their speeches are about spreading religious freedom to Israel. And who doesn't want Israel to become an Islamic theocracy? Nobody. What we're saying is that there are other proverbial fish to fry."
The JDC's political manifesto strongly states what their main goals are.
  • The Egyptian military must acknowledge the civilian government is to be in charge of Egypt.
  • Creating a free trade zone with other Arab countries.
  • The creation of an independent judiciary that is wholly dependent on the Qur'an.
  • The criminalization of selling Hebrew National Hotdogs in Egypt.
  • The standardization of material (i.e. stones) used in capital punishment. 
  • The standardization of the time it takes to execute capital punishment (i.e. how long a stoning should take. Curently some stonings may be over under a minute while others take much longer -- it's utter chaos.).
Coptic Christians are fearful of what the future holds for them in Egypt.  Many are leaving the country. An anonymmous source within the church hierarchy stated, "We are leaving Egypt because we are sick and tired of being persecuted by Muslims. Many of us are going to America so that we can have the freedom to persecute Muslims."
In response Mr al-Canard stated, "What I want our friends in the West to understand is that we of  The Jihadist Democracy Party believe in democracy. Allah had cast the one heavenly ballot long ago, and we are following that mandate! Long live democracy!"



2 comments:

  1. Is this satire? If it is, it's not funny at all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What? You didn't even like the criminalization of Hebrew National Hotdogs? Meh, not every joke is gonna work.

      Delete

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