Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Islamic-Based Morality Systems For Cars In Saudi Arabia

This driver didn't have enough faith.

Mecca, Saudi Arabia  General Motors has developed a morality program for it's artificial intelligence installed in every car sold in Saudi Arabia. This program is meant to reflect the moral underpinnings of Wahabbi Islam -- the dominant form of Islam in the kingdom.

"The next generation of vehicles will be able to drive themselves," stated Mohammed Canard, Marketing Director for General Motors in Saudi Arabia. "We already have vehicles that can parallel park as well as automatically stop if theire is someone or something in the way while backing up. Google has driverless vehicles in America that have logged in 250,000 miles."

This engineer will get many
virgins in the afterlife.
The artificial intelligence in such vehicles must be programmed with rules in order to make instantaneous life saving decisions. Should the vehicle automatically break for animals in the road? Should a car swerve to miss pedestrians even if it means that another vehicle will be struck?

"What we have done is make sure that the car obeys all the rules and regulations of the mutaween -- the government supported clerical police force. The mutaween is very busy making sure that unrelated men and women are not socializing, gays are persecuted, dietary laws kept, well, the list goes on and on and on. This will save them a lot of time and energy," Mohammed Canard stated.

The morality program  developed for the kingdom will ensure:
  • Women do not drive. Special sensors in the vehicle will quickly analyze the gender of the driver. If the driver is breaking holy law and is a woman, then the car will not start.
  • Pork products are forbidden Even if you are a foreigner and have smuggled pork rinds into Saudi Arabia you will not be able to even ride in a vehicle. The special chemical sensors in each car will be able to detect pork molecules on your breath as well as your clothing.
  • Gaydar The engineers and scientists have designed the artificial intelligence to be able to determine whether or not the driver and/or the passengers are gay. Of course, there are some bugs to the system. If anyone is caught singing Lady Gaga or referencing Glee the car shuts down. However, the authorities are erring on the conservative side -- better safe than sorry.
  • Jews Upon perceiving Jewish pedestrians the wahabbi-based morality system will speed up and swerve to hit the Jew.
In the event that a faith-based incident occurs the vehicle will send an emergency message to the mutaween so that the villains may receive their lashings.


  1. Good Stuff. The pic at the top is great...driver in an accident for not having enough faith...priceless!

  2. If they can make an Islamic version they can make a Christian one too! There'll be an awful lot of Christians who won't be allowed to drive. Ejected for wearing mixed fabrics of clothing! Shocked for using their deity's name in vain during road rage! Stabbed with a pin for coveting a neighbor's car and wife! LOL

    1. The thought police are not satisfied with being your copilot. They want to be in the driver's seat.


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