Saturday, June 2, 2012

A Gaggle Of Atheist Jokes

Just gaggling the day away.

It's a rainy Saturday afternoon in Boston, so I think it's the ideal time to lay down some You may be a... jokes for you reading pleasure.
  • You may be a monotheist if you think 2 out of three monotheistic faiths are a load of junk.
  • You may be Catholic if you think all the other priests are perps but your priest is great.
  • You may be a skeptic if you say, "Your story is compelling, but ultimately irrelevant because it is only anecdotal."
  • You may be an atheist if the first thing your religious friends want to talk about is God.
  • You may be a humanist if you're an atheist who is afraid of the word atheist.
  • You may be an atheist if your kids know more about Norse mythology than Judeo-Christian mythology.
  • You may be a Hindu if you think yoga is strictly a religious practice whose goal is to get you to Never-Never Land. 
  • If you're a guy who is an atheist and you go to church, it's probably in order to find women who have impaired judgement
  • You may be an Orthodox Jew if you think Noah's Ark is a cutesy story for kids while the Holocaust was an abomination.
  • You may be an atheist blogger who uses Blogger if you meet other atheist bloggers who use Blogger and the first thing you talk about is how much Blooger sucks.
  • You may be religious if your idea of religious freedom is telling other people what the hell to do.
  • You may be religious if your idea of a miracle is finding your car keys in the morning.
  • You may be a Catholic if you have no idea what the Catholic Church is really doing.
  • You may be a Southern Baptist if you don't know that Southern Baptists became Southern Baptists because they supported slavery.
  • You may be an atheist if your biggest arguments are with other atheists. (They really should know better.)
  • You may be a Unitarian Universalist if you don't have an atheist meetup group close by.
  • You may be a Mormon if you look at the afterlife as a chance to run your own store in the celestial franchise.
  • You may be religious if when you say faith it really means bullsh*t.
  • You may be agnostic if you don't understand what being an atheist really means.
I hope you enjoyed some of these.

I know the possibilities are endless for these jokes. If you have any suggestions feel free to comment.


  1. You might be an atheist blogger if you use
    Blogger, err, because you don't know HTML. Wait, that's the truth. Awesome work Andy,


  2. Andy, those are great, especially the one concerning 'arguments with other Atheists, here a few of me wee vids you may dig.

  3. You may be a humanist if you've realized that atheist says nothing about your morals.

  4. Very humorous! I chuckled my way through the list! Thanks!

  5. You may be an atheist if you're lucky enough to live in a Christian nation.

  6. How crazy your page!
    Thats excellent...........
    Funny jokes


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