Friday, June 22, 2012

AASSS Protests Evolving Music

Completely off-key, but they are very motivated.

Hordes of protesters are expected today to fill America's metropolises today to fight against a most unnatural phenomenon: music that has evolved. These groups decry bioinformaticist Robert MacCallum of Imperial College London's work in creating music from only random sounds. Mr. MacCallum originally patched together various sounds and then sent them out to computer users. The users graded each 8 second sound bite on a 1 to 5 scale. The ones with the highest grades were then used by the computer program to create another generation of musical sound bites. Over many generations the music developed unique characteristics while still retaining traits of the original piece.

And many religious groups find this a crime against nature.

"We have many misgivings about this so-called Godless evolution of music." stated Caleb Kanard, head of the Association of Active Supporters of Supernatural Selection (AASSS). "This experiment supports the fraudulent idea that God's guiding hand has nothing to do with development of life on our planet."

Mr. Kanard then went on to say that a vast majority of Americans support the Supernatural Selection point of view -- that God actively decides which species thrive and survive. Only a small minority of godless socialists actually believe that evolution is purely a natural phenomenon.

"We do not believe, we know that God's guiding hand is on the volume, treble and bass knobs of all of our hearts. Just as He fine tuned the universe for our existence, He selects which music survives. It's survival of the holiest"

When confronted with the fact that a lot of music does not communicate traditional Christian morality, Mr Kanard replied, "Duh, we do have freewill. When we keep Jesus out of our music classes in school Satan makes a lyrical home."

Kids falling victim to Satan's naturally selected music.

AASSS plans to wander about aimlessly through city streets while singing God's music -- a mix of  Brothers Keeper, Point of Grace and Westborough Baptist Church's Rock'n Roll Band.

1 comment:

  1. I think this group should rearrange the letters in the name of their group to "ASSAS"


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