Sunday, May 6, 2012

South Carolina Has Nullified Evolution


Governor Nikki Haley vs Big Government's scientific laws

South Carolina has officially nullified Evolution. Bill S. 1472  has passed both houses and has been signed into law by Governor Nikki Haley. Nullifcation is the legal principle where individual states have the right to disregard federal laws, and was a tradition in the South before 1865. Governor Haley stated that she was was happy that South Carolina has continued its proud history in upholding nullification as a basic right.
South Carolina has once again stood firm against the encroachment of the federal government into our state affairs. This is similar to when in 1836 South Carolinians fought against the tyranny of the federal government concerning tariffs and again in 1860 over the issue of property rights. I am happy to say that Evolutionary Law will no longer harangue and belittle the people of South Carolina.
Here is an excerpt from the new law.

AN ACT TO REPUDIATE AND DISALLOW EVOLUTION FROM OCCURRING IN THE GREAT STATE OF SOUTH CAROLINA. THE FEDERALLY ENFORCED SO-CALLED SCIENTIFIC LAW OF EVOLUTION IS DEIGNED VILE AS WELL AS ANTI-CHRISTIAN BY THE PEOPLE OF THIS STATE. NO LONGER WILL ANY KIND OF SELECTION -- WHETHER THAT SELECTION IS NATURAL OR ARTIFICIAL -- WILL TAKE PLACE WITHIN OUR BORDERS. ORGANISMS, ANIMAL, VEGETABLE AND VIRAL, WILL NO LONGER CHANGE IN RESPONSE TO ENVIRONMENTAL PRESSURES. SPECIATION IS NOT ALLOWED. GENETIC DRIFT IS VERBOTEN. EXTINCTION WILL BE PUNISHABLE WITH THE DEATH PENALTY.

Governor Haley expects that the new law will raise South Carolina's ranking nationally in science and math (currently 40th out of 50)  due to the fact that there will be less science for students to remember.

9 comments:

  1. Is this serious?

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    1. Did South Carolina illegalize the mechanisms of evolution? No. However, South Carolina does rank 4oth in science and math scores. And I'd like to point out, in my humble opinion, that the piece is seriously funny.

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  2. Funny post! I confess I wasn't sure either, until the "organisms will no longer change..." bit. "Genetic drift is verboten" clinched it. Of course, it's rather frightening that it's believable enough to think it might be real, isn't it??

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    Replies
    1. Poe's Law: http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Poe's_Law

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    2. EXTINCTION WILL BE PUNISHABLE WITH THE DEATH PENALTY.

      I thought that line worked as a "wink" to the reader.

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    3. Yes, that was pleasantly reassuring. 'Cause up until I started reading the excerpt from the law, I really wasn't sure. Well done, sir!

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  3. That governor, I mean writer, I mean neanderthal, oh what the heck, you know that denier of everything, IS hilarious! Had me going for 0.000000001 seconds though.

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  4. Being a Canadian, and seeing just how far some Americans will go (WBC, GOP, etc ad nauseum), this had me wondering until the last few lines. Phew!

    Ralph

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  5. I really REALLY hope this is just satire of some kind. Damnit Poe's law. If this garbage is true... more proof that the religious are nothing more than children on a mental level. You can't vote to make something "not exist" just because you don't like it. I thought we grew past this.... oh screw it. People are stupid. I'm done.

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