Thursday, May 3, 2012

SETI Discovers Intelligent Extraterrestrial Life

SETI, the privately funded organization searching for extraterrestrial life, announced a major break through: The first real evidence for intelligent outside of the Earth has been discovered. Professor P. Varicate stood before a stunned crowd of journalists, scientists and other concerned parties. "At approximately 2 PM local time the Parkes radio telescope in Australia picked up transmissions originating from  the Messier 78 nebula which is in Orion's belt. We are confident that an alien intelligence is the source of these signals."

The room filled with shouts from the crowd concerning this newest discovery. How does your team know that these transmissions aren't simply the results of pulsar stars? Assuming that the signals are from an intelligent source, have they been translated?

"We definitely know that there are no pulsars in Messier 78 nebula. In fact, that area of space is a star nursery, and due to the gas and dust our earth-based optical telescopes have not been able to peer into that area," Varicate replied. The room was silent from hearing the news.

"And yes, we have been able to translate the message... with assistance from the President of the Church of Latter Day Saiths -- Thomas S. Monson." Mr Monson walked onto the stage and stood at the podium.

Professor P. Varicate
"As some of you know, the President of the Church of Latter Day Saints is a living prophet," Mr Monson stated. "Prophets have a long history in our church. For example, it was revealed to Joseph Smith that God wanted him to have many wives, and then later on it was revealed in 1904 to Joseph F. Smith that polygamy was a sin punishable by excommunication."

Due to the nature of the signals emanating from the nebula, it was decided to bring President Monson in. The scientists were only able to translate one word from the transmission: Kolob. Mormons know that Kolob is the planet closest to where God's physical throne is. Kolob is the planet of God.

"We assumed that the Church of Latter Day Saints would be able to assist us in our translating endeavors, and we were not disappointed," the Professor said.

"Indeed, the Church's founder, Joseph Smith, was blessed by the Holy Spirit and translated the heavenly golden tablets as well as the Egyptian scrolls that came to be known as the Book of Abraham where Kolob is mentioned," President Monson added. "After some prayer I was able to translate the message that the Almighty was beaming to Earth."

There was a pregnant pause...

"Vote Romney."

"We aimed the Hubble Space Telescope and took images from that area in the night sky. We were stunned to see this picture," the Professor added.

The Romney campaign has not yet responded to this news. But inside sources report that there has been celebrating.


  1. Haha. Imagine for a minute if the first part of your post was true, that life elsewhere in the universe had been discovered. What is the one word you would not hear uttered in the discussion? Faith. It would never be mentioned. Instead, scientists would scramble around and try to empirically validate the source. Faith is silly...

  2. I think the first message from a civilization would be, "Howdy, pardner, let's party."


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