Saturday, May 26, 2012

The Deuteronomist Party Of America vs The National Atheist Party



One country under God

The Deuteronomist Party of America (DPA) has officially been born. Created in response to the ever growing popularity of the National Atheist Party as well as the tepid Christianity of the Republicans the DPA's intent is to bring America back to true Judeo-Christian morals.
The DPA lives and breathes by our Lord's words and teachings. Unlike many so-called Christian organizations the DPA believes that Jesus wanted us follow the Torah as well as the lessons in the New Testament. "Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them." - Mathew 5:17  In following Jesus' demand the DPA is dedicated to making America a Godly country.
What does a Deuteronomist America look like? One word describes it: biblical.
In following God's divine mandate the DPA is working tirelessly to place an divinely anointed king in the White House. Of course the future king will need to follow the laws set down in Deuteronomy: 1. The king, moreover, must not acquire great numbers of horses for himself or make the people return to Egypt to get more of them, for the Lord has told you, “You are not to go back that way again.” (Deut. 17:16); 2. The king must not be ruled by his wives (Deut 17:17); 3. The king must not lust after riches (Deut. 17:17).
The DPA also has a grassroots strategy of utterly destroying the National Atheist Party..
The DPA has a prayer response team to deal with our godless foes, the National Atheist Party. Through the power of imprecatory prayer we will call down God's power and curse our enemies. Did not God instruct us to do so in Psalm 35?
May all who gloat over my distress
be put to shame and confusion;
may all who exalt themselves over
be clothed with shame and disgrace.
May those who delight in my vindication
shout for joy and gladness;
may they always say, “The Lord be exalted,
who delights in the well-being of his servant.”
Municipalities will be organized to hold nightly prayer vigils in member's homes for the utter destruction of the DPA's enemies. If members wish milk and cookies may be served after praying.
America currently has a problem with illegal aliens. Unfortunately, agribusiness needs cheap labor, and so real immigration reform is stalled. The DPA has a biblically based solution to the cheap labor issue.
The DPA plans to solve the immigration problem by turning those illegals already here into servitude attendents as per the scriptures.“‘Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. You may also buy some of the temporary residents living among you and members of their clans born in your country, and they will become your property. You can bequeath them to your children as inherited property and can make them slaves for life, but you must not rule over your fellow Israelites ruthlessly. Leviticus 25: 44-46 What makes this solution perfect is that the foreigners are here already and can easily transition to their new roles.

7 comments:

  1. Could be real - who knows what the religious right folks have up their sleeves....

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  2. That is funny stuff. I have no idea how you come up with it on a daily basis. Great work Andy. I really enjoy stopping by here for some humor regarding serious topics. It is quite refreshing.

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    1. Thanks, the sad thing is that I'll always be able to get inspiration from the news.

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  3. I think that site is a parody. At least I HOPE it is.

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  4. That's a great flag -- a red cross superimposed over a blue background, all of which is superimposed over a picture of god.

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  5. It's because the old testament is based on the Sumerian stories where god was an angry mythical alien who wanted to control people so they only looked outward towards him and didn't realise their divine selves. Whereas Jesus taught real spirituality that's the same as Hinduism and Buddhism, such as for people to be healed they had to believe it with their heart and soul, is the same as Buddhism saying reality is an illusion and the kingdom of god being within is the same as Hinduism where god is in everything. He wasn't the Jewish messiah as their idea of a messiah was a war leader who would make them the most important nation, but not a spiritual person.

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    1. Oh @Pete. Your heart and soul has internalised that angry mythical alien (or successor) who you've named Jesus and feels like everything AND an illusion AND that biblical character responsible for historical miracles and other religious fictions about the divine and spirituality and souls and hearts and minds that our societies' self-appointed moralizing healers sincerely hope to god are facts. Or they are profoundly ethically wrong.

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