Saturday, April 7, 2012

Passover Insanity or Goose Stepping Over Dead Egyptian Babies

Yahweh, Yahweh  über alles.

I found this piece over at the Jewish atheist blog coin laundry titled And I thought Finger Puppet Plagues were Bad . . . The post is about how Rabbi Shraga Simmons has come up with "fun" as well as creative ways to communicate the 10 Plagues of Egypt to children. I'm just going to paste the original article from the man of G-D, because it's just so crazy.

Here it is. I'll do some commentary at the end.

Since the idea of the Seder is to get children interested and involved, the Ten Plagues is a good opportunity to add an experiential, dramatic element to the evening. Plan ahead with some props and you'll see how much fun the Seder can be -- for children and adults alike.

Here are some suggestions for the Ten Plagues:

1) BLOOD -- Prepare a large, clear pitcher -- empty except for some red food coloring inconspicuously at the bottom. At the appropriate moment, pour in some water -- and watch the water magically turn to "blood!" (One technical point: Don't do the opposite and pour the food coloring into the water, as that would be a problem of "coloring" which is forbidden on Jewish holidays.) And if you're really brave, drink a little of the water, to re-enact the Midrash which says that even during the plague of blood, the Jews could still drink and have it taste like "water!"

2) FROGS -- Have everyone get out of their chairs and hop around the room, croaking like frogs. It's a good opportunity to stretch before the next part of the Seder.

3) LICE -- Go to your local toy store and buy a bunch of plastic bugs. At the appropriate moment, toss them onto the lap of the person next to you. Oriental Trading Company is a good source for plastic insects, and for other animal-based plagues!

4) WILD ANIMALS -- My personal favorite. Toy stores are filled with all kinds of plastic lions, snakes, elephants and bears. Plus you can put on a tiger mask or even a full gorilla costume to really get everyone in the spirit.
5) PESTILENCE -- This is the plague where all the animals died of disease. If you can impersonate a dead animal, go right ahead...

6) BOILS -- The Egyptians were covered with open sores which caused them unbearable itching! Have everyone at your Seder table break out into an uncontrollable fit of itching.

7) HAIL -- - Marshmallows (kosher for Passover!) work best for this. Foam balls and cotton balls work, too. If you're more adventurous, use ping-pong balls.

8) LOCUSTS -- What do grasshoppers do? They hop. It's good exercise before the festive meal.

9) DARKNESS -- Since the laws of Yom Tov forbid the use of electricity, don't turn off your lights. I know somebody once who tried to be very clever and put his lights on a "timer," set to go off during the plague of darkness. He misjudged, and they wound up eating most of the meal in the dark. A better alternative is to have everyone put on a blindfold and try walking around the room for two minutes!

Another idea: The Midrash says that during the plague of darkness in Egypt, the Jews searched the Egyptians' homes for valuables, which they were later given as “payment” for the many years of hard labor. So try hiding costume jewelry around the room, and turn it into a treasure hunt.

10) FIRST BORN -- We don't recommend you try this at home. We certainly would have preferred that the Egyptians would have acknowledged God's sovereignty, and been spared this terrible punishment.

Another idea: Buy an aqua-colored mylar "curtain" from a party store, and have everyone pass through the splitting of the sea, decorated with a sign that says: "You are now leaving Egypt."

The point here is to be creative. Give each child a brown paper bag filled with props. Have fun!

I'm going to start off with the good rabbi's those Egyptian kids got what they had coming to them argument that is found in plague #10. (Yes, I assume there was a general vote in ancient Egypt and all those infants and toddlers voted to screw the Jews over.)

I'm going to have to take a deep breath before continuing. This is what happens when my mind is pistol whipped by evil, narrow minded stupidity. And let's face it everyone says something that may be considered bad or inappropriate while in the heat of the moment (especially at the pub). But Rabbi Shraga Simmons is just an evil, evil man. He has passed over the tipping point, crossed the Rubicon, whatever metaphor you want to use -- this guy has officially gone over to the Darkside. He is spreading his filthy, disgusting version of so called morality in a kid friendly way. This is the reason why atheists are so concerned about God. Rabbi Simmons and his ilk are faith-based sociopaths out there whose dream is to make their vision of fun (mocking the pain/death of unbelievers) normal. These are people who hide their hatred of humanity in a cloak of righteousness.

There. That's my short rant.

I just want to leave you with some comments left on Rabbi Shraga Simmons article.
This is great as I was looking for creative ideas as this is the first time we are hosting passover. Thanks
Here's another
For lice - we used brown rice. Kid's had a blast with it. Also for boils we used the "dot" candies that are on paper. Red ones, and we licked them and stuck them on the kids faces to represent the boils - then they had the candy. blood was caro syrup with red dye - made in advance - looked like real stage blood. Anyway, plagues are a good way to encourage the kids to participate.
I swear to God, I'm not making this last one up.

... I used the little swords for cocktails for the 10th plague. Have fun creating a plague bag for the children.

I couldn't resist placing this comment.
In the spirit of interfaith dialogue I'm wondering if you have any suggestions for a celebration my family is planning to commemorate the Spanish Inquisition?
They have comment moderation on the site. I doubt it will get posted.

After all, this is Purgatory.


  1. Please let us know if they answer your comment. It really is sad to see what people will accept as logical and sound ideas when it comes to religion. Can you imagine if the above suggestions were carried out a school for some secular purpose...imagine using plastic drink swords to illustrate the killing of the holocaust...I wonder what the Rabbi would think of that?

    1. I'll keep an eye out, but it isn't up as of yet. I have subscribed to their weekly online newsletter to keep up with the insanity.

  2. Sadly, your question might actually get posted, since it's entirely possible that the rabbi will totally miss the sarcasm.

    Hey, Holocaust Remembrance Day is coming up - maybe Rabbi Psycho will post suggestions to simulate gassing for the kiddies with an Easy-Bake Oven.

  3. Spanish Inquisition is a no-brainer: Monty Python!

    1. However, no one suspects the Spanish Inquisition!

  4. I already told you what happened with autistic son while reenacting the last plague.. Not pretty.. He hated God's angel of death... Never again.

  5. I had to go to the teeth had a lot of plague.


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