The Catholic Church has announced that it has completed a thorough psychological testing of all its priests, bishops and cardinals, and that all of them are psychologically stable and healthy. In the spirit of full disclosure His Holiness, Pope Benedict XVI, has also undergone this procedure.
The Church has been steadily losing members as well as losing millions of dollars and euros since the scandals erupted. In Boston, MA the diocese was forced to pay victims $85 million in 2003. In 2007 the Los Angeles diocese paid victims $660 million. This all inclusive exam is intended to project the message to the world that the Church has successfully cleaned house and is a safe place for families.
The clergy were examined with the Rorschach test. The test traditionally consists of ink blots and is used to explore the true motivations and feelings a person has that he or she may not be willing to say. The test was administered by groups of Catholic mental health professionals and the results were analyzed by using complex faith-based algorithms. Below are a few of the images from the test as well as common responses made by the clergy. Pope Benedict's responses have also been included.
72% Michael Jackson
Allen Ginsburg -- Pope Benedict
98% Homos destroying traditional marriage
(Pope's answer was the same)
68% Nasty, dirty American nuns
12% Sinful, dirty women
A little league baseball game on a hot, sweaty day -- Pope Benedict
58 % Obama's attack on Catholic morality
Obama's attack on Catholic morality and religious rights -- Pope Benedict
59% ex- Presidential candidate Rick Santorum
11% Dan Savage's recently coined term Santorum
An eleven year-old boy's birthday party -- Pope Benedict
60% - A woman's vajayjay
21% - Condoms, evil, sinful condoms
The boy's room at Toys R Us in Milan, Italy -- Pope Benedict
60% a candy store
A buffet -- Pope Benedict