Sunday, March 18, 2012

Saint Patrick's Day - Reloaded

This bit is based on the Yahoo article on Leprechauns: Sweet or Scary? I altered it to be about another mythical figure. Enjoy.
On St. Patrick's Day some facts are clear: Celebrate the patron saint of Ireland by wearing green, drinking green liquids, and celebrating the luck 'o the Irish. But what about St Patrick's boss Jesus -- does he bring luck or terror to the party? In the Book of Revelation, He's seriously scary. But on the cover of this "magically awesome" book, not so much.

So what's the history of the second member of the Trinitarian Sky Fairy? defines Jesus as: Jesus Christ Christ Jesus, Jesus of Nazareth. born 4? b.c., crucified a.d. 29?, the source of the Christian religion. Those two question marks imply a questionable past for the source of the Christian religion. Christians regularly portray Jesus as the Prince of Peace.

Sounds harmless enough.
But this robe-clad character, whose origins are clouded in pagan mythology are, as D. H. Conundrum points out in "Christian Myths," "not wholly good nor entirely evil," adding, "his father being an evil spirit and a degenerate Sky Fairy; by nature He is a mischief-maker."

Lookups on Yahoo! for the Christian legend include "is Jesus real," "how blue was Jesus' eyes," and even "Jesus traps."

Legend has it that Jesus could be blamed for all sorts of mischief around the house -- giving a gay family member AIDS, say. Just keep Jesus fed with your prayers and servitude and nothing bad would happen. Farmers were said to leave Jesus whiskey in the field to ensure a good harvest (only single malt, however).

The Slate's Explaminer column describes some of the dangers of the Jewish elf: "Jesus might read your mind, punish you for thinking bad thoughts, or even torture you for eternity if you question His love for you."

I'm sending you to Hell!
Thank the Christian-industrial complex for creating the very opposite image -- a jolly, heal-the-sick fellow. In the whitewash retelling of the gospels the happy story featured a Jesus with a pot of fish who fed the multitudes and teaches God's love and understanding. And there's Jesus the Sky Fairy on the Lucky Charms cereal box, introduced in the early 1960s.
So if you do happen to see Jesus on St. Paddy's Day, don't steal his fish, or his Lucky Charms. You never know what he might do.

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