Top Ten Reasons Why My Beer Is Better Than Your God.

Thinking about the next insipid thing to way.

10. Even while I'm drunk I make more sense than Pat Robertson.

I've been drunk many a time and have talked much smack. However, at no point have I gotten even close to the insanity that spews out of this guy's mouth like, hurricane Katrina was caused by America's abortion laws or that 9/11 was God's way of punishing America for the gays and pagans.

Ireland: Home of the Tithe War 1830-1836

9. When I'm drinking I'm not badgering people to tithe 10% of their income to my imaginary friend.

Jesus wants ten percent of your gross income. I don't. I've got my own damn money to spend on bad habits, though if you see me at the pub you could donate a black 'n tan to the cause (me).

I don't care if the church looks like a spaceship. It still isn't fun.

8. The worst night drinking is better than the greatest church service.

Who hasn't had night of beer where the fun never really happens? Jeopardy is on the TV, but there is no closed captioning so you don't know if your answers are right. Your jokes fall flat.  You're really drunk, and while you're in the men's room you become that jerk who talks to other guys while doing your business at the urinal.

Still better than church.

7. My beer has a warning on the label.

At least my bottle of beer has a statement that, hey, maybe you shouldn't be drinking if you're pregnant or planning to drive. Religion doesn't have warning labels, and if it did the labels would look something like this...

6. Beer has better games.

Here's a picture of my daughter from last year practicing her mad skills at beer pong (no beer was involved).

 

And look at the games that religion has to offer: confess your sins to a pedophile, guess who's going to hell? (hint: it's everyone except our faith), and oppress the Jew.

 

5. Beer enlivens conversation, makes the most dour person smile, and can turn the everyday into something special.

Religion, however, makes the intelligent person spout gibberish, good people do evil things, and seeks to end all interesting discussion about how the universe works with the platitude Goddidit.

 

4. Simply put: Overall, there are more attractive people around a beer tap than in a pew.

Go ahead, call me shallow. I'm comfortable with it.

Science can taste good.

3. There is a science to brewing beer.

Fermentation in brewing is the conversion of carbohydrates to alcohols and carbon dioxide or organic acids using yeasts, bacteria, or a combination thereof, under anaerobic conditions. A more restricted definition of fermentation is the chemical conversion of sugars into ethanol. The science of fermentation is known as zymurgy. - from Wikipedia

 I prefer science to superstitious ideas that can not be verified (i.e. religion).

Hey, Jesus, I like a good meal, too.
But can we please leave out the cannibalistic metaphor?

2. When I'm drinking beer I'm not think about drinking Jesus' blood. 

This demonstrates how religion can suck the fun out of anything, even alcohol. Christ supposedly served up some wine at the Last Supper and told people it was his blood. And that was Jesus' greatest sin: making alcohol icky. Who the hell wants to drink some dude's blood? It's disgusting.

Man's best friend knows what's
truly heavenly.

1. Nine out of ten dogs agree: Beer is better than Jesus.

Amen.