Monday, January 2, 2012

Top Ten List Of What's Going To Happen When Atheists Are In Charge.

Many of you are aware of the recent Huffington Post article: Will 2012 Be the Year of the Atheist? I just want to tell everyone out there what's going to happen when we atheists do become a majority in the USA.
10. We won't be teaching science in your church. Even though science is truly universal (science does work in all environments -- religion just the opposite) atheists will not force the faithful to teach the Origin of the Species or the God Delusion in Sunday school. However, the obvious must be stated: In schools, faith based pseudo-science like the misnamed Intelligent Design may be taught only in a Mythology class.

9. Unlike some deities that originated in the desert, we will not require the first born sons from households that don't agree with us to be killed.   I know that sounds crazy, doesn't it? What kind of being would want innocent children killed because of a non-elected ruler refusing His will? Well, rest be assured there will be none of that nonsense going on when we're in charge. We won't even imply that killing kids would have been OK 5,000 years ago either.

I agree, the patriarchy sucks.
8. We're not going to be dicks and tell women that they are innately inferior to men. You won't be hearing the following from us.
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:22-24 

7. We plan to make America American again. It has come to our attention that nondemocratic elements have snuck into our government -- namely that tyrannical, misogynistic deity known as Yahweh (aliases include: the Almighty, God, and The All Loving God Who Hates Faggotry). He has infiltrated the Pledge of Allegiance, thanks to spineless politicians in 1953, as well as our money supply (In God We Trust). Once secularists run the show all that nonsense is going to stop.
6. As long as you are marrying a consenting adult, marry whoever you damn choose too. The only reason why people who are gay cannot marry in all 50 states is because too many people in this country can't tell the difference between stories like Hansel and Gretel and the fairy tales found in the Bible.
NOT fans of Mr. Gervais

5. There will be a Ricky Gervais channel on television. However, theists will not be forced to watch it, and we atheists will not tell you that you're going to be tortured for eternity for not saying Mr Gervais is awesome.

4. The Boy Scouts will no longer be subsidized by our government. 1. The Boy Scouts think atheists are not moral enough to be in their august organization. 2. The Boy Scouts get their annual jamboree partially subsidized by the federal government and individual troops rent out public buildings for $1 per year. 3. When the secularists take over the government will no longer be supporting bigoted organizations.

3. The government's main anti-global warming campaign will not be praying for rain. Governors in places like Georgia, Texas, and Oklahoma, will no longer ask  their citizens pray for rain. They may actually have to do something realistic to solve their problems than asking their imaginary friend for help.

He would approve.
2. Being literate in science will no longer be political suicide for politicians. Politicians of any major party will be able to say something like this:
A scientific theory comprises a collection of concepts, including abstractions of observable phenomena expressed as quantifiable properties, together with rules (called scientific laws) that express relationships between observations of such concepts. A scientific theory is constructed to conform to available empirical data about such observations, and is put forth as a principle or body of principles for explaining a class of phenomena.
without fear of being unelectable.


1. The baby eating will still continue. Dammit! Now everyone knows.

1 comment:

  1. haha BRAVO! ENCORE! MORE!

    The word Miracle will no longer refer to "an act of a god" nor a "historical event".

    The teachings of god's spokesmen --past and present-- will no longer be considered credible. Unless their opinion enjoys the consensus of modern expert opinion.

    Your holybooks will no longer be able to be stolen from our librarys' Reference section. Rather the Fiction section.

    And those mistaken about goodness will no longer be called evil-doers. But well-meaning equals whom we oughtn't murder nor dehumanise.


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