Thursday, January 26, 2012

Seven Good Reasons Why I'm Converting!


First off, let me assure you that I am not converting to any religion. But who amongst us haven't personally known or heard of someone who has converted to another faith? I've always been fascinated on what causes a person to go from Catholicism, let's say, to Judaism. So here are seven reasons why people convert.

I'm totally into Yahweh if you are.

7. I'm dating someone (or hoping to date someone) who is religious.

Dating is fraught with dangers. I once chatted up a girl who was a Moonie in the hope of getting laid. Even though I was unsuccessful in my goal, I did get a nice spaghetti dinner at Moonie HQ in London. Another one of my old girlfriends was into EST, and though it wasn't a religion, per se the organization had many culty characteristics.

Awesome architecture! I'm converting to that religion!

6 and 5. Gosh, I really like the religion's repetitious ramblings, and they do have pretty buildings.
Liam Neeson, a good actor but poor thinker, made a few statements the other day on why he is considering switching to Islam from Catholicism.
The Northern Ireland actor, who comes from a Catholic background, told the newspaper that the call to prayer in Istanbul drove him to distraction for the first week of filming but he then began to find it "the most beautiful, beautiful thing".
Neeson, a former altar boy in Ballymena, said: "There are 4,000 mosques in the city. Some are just stunning and it really makes me think about becoming a Muslim."
You know, when I was in high school and reading the comic New Mutants I decided to stop collecting the title because the whole look of the series changed due to getting a new team of artists. I would hope the reason for changing faiths would be a bit better thought out than that.

Less blood and guts, but
it still makes no sense.

4.  My new religion isn't as bad as my old religion.

I like to call this the Unitarian Universalist Gambit. Many rational people find the out right insanity of their native faith to be unbearable. However, they still cling on to the erroneous belief that the universe cares about what they do, and that all fairy tales need to be respected. Unitarian Universalism is where they can cherry pick all the nice humanitarian aspects from all the religions, while ignoring the 98% of the sh*t.


3. My new faith makes sense, unlike the old one.
You hear this a lot, too. For example, a convert to Christianity may say that Ganesha, the Hindu deity that has an elephant's head and rides on a giant mouse is absurd, but a talking snake makes all the sense in the world.
God says it's true so it's true!
How do I know that?
The bible says so.

2. Once I heard the Word, I knew it was true!
It doesn't matter what word is involved: Christian, Jewish, Hindu,whatever. Once some people start reading those words, the divine truth is revealed. Here is what the Maverick Philosopher, Michael Sidduth, has to say about his conversion experience from Christianity to a form of Hinduism. 
I found myself profoundly affected by this text. Krishna’s words would stay with me, often arising spontaneously in my mind at times of crisis.They not only instilled a wonderful serenity in me, gradually they began illuminating many aspects of my life and relationship to God.
I got quite a bit of insight regarding the human condition from watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Does that mean Buffy is a goddess? Maybe these feelings are not the best way of discerning the ultimate nature of reality.

What crazy feels like.

1.  I've experienced a psychotic episode.

This is the classic Paul's Road to Damascus experience. A person has some kind of break from reality and BAM! he or she has got religion. Here is Paul's experience,

As he neared Damascus on his journey, suddenly a light from heaven flashed around him.  He fell to the ground and heard a voice say to him, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?”
  “Who are you, Lord?” Saul asked.
“I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,” he replied. 6 “Now get up and go into the city, and you will be told what you must do.” - Acts 9: 3-6
Hearing a disembodied voice that tells you what to do, seeing flashes of light, and suffering from hysterical blindness (Paul was blind for three days) are all characteristics of mental illness. Paul didn't need God, what the man needed was a CAT scan of his brain and medication

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