Reading 1 Kings

New definition for the word biblical:
f*cked up sh*t.

As many of you know, I'm currently reading through the "good book". You learn a lot from reading God's word. Please allow me to share the wonders that I have found.

The new king of Israel needed to settle old scores.

It is not unusual that when a transfer of power occurs in a tyrannical system people get killed. This can happen even during a peaceful transition. It's considered something like cleaning house -- getting rid of the garbage, and starting off on a new foot. In 1 Kings, David officially gives power to his son, Solomon, after one of David's other son's, Adonijah, initiates an unsuccessful coup. David's final words to Solomon include the basic Do what Yahweh says or you're toast  line. He also gives a short list of people to kill

“Now you yourself know what Joab son of Zeruiah did to me—what he did to the two commanders of Israel’s armies, Abner son of Ner and Amasa son of Jether. He killed them, shedding their blood in peacetime as if in battle, and with that blood he stained the belt around his waist and the sandals on his feet.  Deal with him according to your wisdom, but do not let his gray head go down to the grave in peace. 1 Kings 2: 5-6

 and

“And remember, you have with you Shimei son of Gera, the Benjamite from Bahurim, who called down bitter curses on me the day I went to Mahanaim. When he came down to meet me at the Jordan, I swore to him by the LORD: ‘I will not put you to death by the sword.’ But now, do not consider him innocent. You are a man of wisdom; you will know what to do to him. Bring his gray head down to the grave in blood.” 1 Kings 2: 8-9

So much for freedom of speech in David's and Solomon's Israel. One does not have the right to call down bitter curses on the head of government. I wonder how many AM radio talk show hosts would be sentenced to death if we upheld that rule today?

Solomon, being a wise and faithful son to his fathers memory was able to slay Joab, Shimei, as well as his brother, Adonijah.

Another reason why God-centered government stinks.

However, being God's king requires more than simply killing folk. There is the boring task of appointing ministers and/or cabinet positions in one's government. Just as the contemporary American President has to fill important positions, so does Solomon. It's easy to gloss over lists of names (you know, the begats) sections of the Bible, but occasionally there is some wacky stuff to be found there.

 So King Solomon ruled over all Israel.  And these were his chief officials:

Azariah son of Zadok—the priest;

  Elihoreph and Ahijah, sons of Shisha—secretaries;

Jehoshaphat son of Ahilud—recorder;

  Benaiah son of Jehoiada—commander in chief;

Zadok and Abiathar—priests;

  Azariah son of Nathan—in charge of the district governors;

Zabud son of Nathan—a priest and adviser to the king;

  Ahishar—palace administrator;

Adoniram son of Abda—in charge of forced labor.
1 Kings 4: 1-6

Forced labor, eh?  And forced labor back then doesn't mean that the workers had crappy benefits and weren't eligible for overtime. These people were slaves. Adoniram's cabinet position would have been Secretary of Slavery. And what did these slaves do? They were forced to construct monuments to the tyrant and the tyrant's god.

Here is the account of the forced labor King Solomon conscripted to build the LORD’s temple, his own palace, the terraces, the wall of Jerusalem, and Hazor, Megiddo and Gezer. 1 Kings 9 :15

You would think a group of people who had reportedly been slaves in Egypt would have some perspective on the nature of forced labor. That the God who freed them from bondage would have the insight to say, Hey, slavery is not OK -- knock it off! 

But God wants what He wants. And after all there were all these people in the kingdom that were just hanging around, taking up space.

There were still people left from the Amorites, Hittites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites (these peoples were not Israelites).Solomon conscripted the descendants of all these peoples remaining in the land—whom the Israelites could not exterminate—to serve as slave labor, as it is to this day.  But Solomon did not make slaves of any of the Israelites; they were his fighting men, his government officials, his officers, his captains, and the commanders of his chariots and charioteers. 1 Kings 9:20 -22

That is what I call divine love: If you can't exterminate all the undesirables, then simply make them slaves.

If you worship God and you are for animal rights, then you are doing one of those things wrong.

Once the temple got built it was time to throw a big party. And what says Old Testament party like sacrificing a few animals to the Almighty? But the building of the temple party wasn't just any run-of-the-mill celebration. God was going to dwell with His people and hang out in there. Many, many animals needed to be killed to celebrate this august house warming.

Then the king and all Israel with him offered sacrifices before the LORD. Solomon offered a sacrifice of fellowship offerings to the LORD: twenty-two thousand cattle and a hundred and twenty thousand sheep and goats. So the king and all the Israelites dedicated the temple of the LORD. 1 Kings 8:62-63

That's a lot of death.

But Yahweh is a god of death,

and slavery.

This is Purgatory.