Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Why You Should Come Out Of The Closet.

For those of you who aren't out of the closet atheists, I'm going to present an argument (though not the only one, of course) why you should publicly declare yourself one of the godless. By not coming out of the closet you're making it difficult for other atheists. I'm going to focus on two posts from the blog Epiphenomenon. 

Monday, November 28, 2011

Racist Woman Demonstrating To Her Child How To Be Racist

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you some crazy primate sh*t straight out of London.


I originally found this on Curious Musings Of A Curious Mind. I found it so insane I had to share it.

2 Samuel Confirms (Yet Again) That God Is Evil.

I does what I does.
I don't want Purgatory to be burdened by OMG! YAHWEH is such a jerk! posts. However, as I'm reading through the good book there are cases where I feel the need to share the insanity found in that supposed holy tome. I was reading the story of David and Bathsheba. For those of you who have forgotten the story from Sunday school let's go over the basics.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Blogging Buttons

Hey, everyone. I typically don't talk about blogging too much, but I'll make an exception here. You will notice two additions to Purgatory. One is the Purgatory Blog Button on the upper right column. (Yes, the background picture is inspired from Dante's Paradiso.) Under the image is HTML code. In case you wish to place the Purgatory button on your own blog, just copy the the code and paste it in a HTML widget. It's that easy. The second addition is The Newest Newsy News button on the upper left hand column. Clicking it will send you to my more mainstream/fake news comedy blog which I've been updating daily.

LiP 

Hinduism Versus Freedom Part... Well I've Stopped Counting

Hinduism, it really is the major religion that atheists overlook when we do our "religion is crazy" shtick. Not here in Purgatory. I have a Times of India ap on my smart phone and I regularly check out what's happening on the subcontinent. The Times of India reports on the all the important stories: dealing with a crazy nuclear armed neighbor (Pakistan), the Maoist insurgency (some people still take that stuff seriously) going on in India, Bollywood,etc. Well, one recent article struck me as worth writing about here: Hindus upset over Ganesha T-shirt designs.
Hindu community in the US has asked a local online company to immediately remove Lord Ganesha T-shirt designs displayed on its website, calling them absurd.
For those of you not in the know , Ganesha is the elephant headed god who rides on a giant rat. Really, not making it up.

Friday, November 25, 2011

The Texas State Constitution And Atheists


Looks like
bigotry to me.
I'm guessing that many people in the US don't know that atheists are officially restricted from holding public office in some states. Let's see what the Texas State Constitution has to say about this issue.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

A Timeline On The Development Of Life.

I was in Boston's Museum of Science the other day with the family and checked out a chart demonstrating the history of life on the planet in terms of geological time. I found this video on Too Many Tribbles that illustrates the timeline nicely.


And though I'm no biologist by a long stretch I'm always interested in gathering various chestnuts of knowledge that I can carry in my mouth pouches like a squirrel in November. I was on Pharyngula and saw that Lynn Margulis died. Yeah, I didn't know who she was either. I followed the link and found out she helped develop the theory of how eurkaryotic cells evolved,

Although she was best known for her work on the endosymbiotic theory–the now generally accepted idea that mitochondria, chloroplasts, and other organelles within eukaryotic cells were once free-living bacteria–her research and her courses covered essentially all the living and nonliving things on earth and the interactions among them.
 I hope everyone in the States has a good Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Newt Gingrich drops out of presidential race!

Here is a story from my other blog The Newest Newsy News.

Washington DC - After a strong performance at yet another Republican debate last night, Newt Gingrich has been ejected from the gaggle of Republican presidential hopefuls. The reason for this about turn for Mr Gingrich is that he is not constitutionally qualified to be President of the United States. Although he is over the age of thirty-five and a natural born citizen of the US it has been discovered that Newt Gingrich is in all reality a Meleagris gallopavo, commonly known as a wild turkey.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

You Wouldn't Want King David To Be Your Boss.

It's good to be da king.
I was reading through the Bible the other day and I realized (once again) how many basically good people who are Christians have to harbor many, many immoral concepts to make Christianity work. I don't think that many Christians of today really agree with the crazy things found in the Old Testament. Sure, there are believers who say something like, "Well, that all happened before Christ, and we have a new covenant in his blood." Of course that answer implies the fact that such acts were moral at that time (funny line of thought from people who hate moral relativism). It's like saying, "Smashing babies' heads aganst the curb was OK a week ago, but now it's completely off limits."

Sunday, November 20, 2011

A Picture And A Quick Joke.

The family and I went to the Boston Science Museum today. Here is Ali checking out the Mobius strip.


A buddy of mine put this joke on Facebook yesterday:

Knee-slapping humor to a topologist: Question: Why did the chicken cross the Möbius Strip? Answer: To get to the same side.
LiP

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Another Reason Why Not To Circumcise

There are reasons why not to circumcise your boy: it's a medically unnecessary procedure and to break the covenant with the sociopathic Judeo-Christian-Islamic God. (I always state the latter point in pleasant conversation on why my boy isn't cut.) Now it turns out that being uncircumcised is a lot more fun. I originally found out about this study on The Advice Goddess Blog and then went to the original article Male circumcision leads to a bad sex life that can be found in ScienceNordic.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

My Anti-Christmas Jihad Part One: My Letter To Santa AND His Response!

Santa: The Fifth Column of
Godlessness.
I've decided to start my jihad against Christmas early this year. And to initiate the first salvo of godlessness in this holiday season I have sent an email to an atheist's best friend: Santa Claus. I know, I know, many atheists dislike Santa because He represents crass American materialism. To quote Tyler Durden's analysis of the American psyche: We work jobs we hate to buy sh*t we don't need. Of course, Fight Club was released well before the Great Recession and now it turns out that only the lucky ones work jobs they hate just to get by. Or many atheist/skeptical parents don't support Santa because they don't want to lie to their kids about the reality about that jolly, morbidly obese fictional character. I want to say on the record that Santa is one of the greatest atheist allies, and I wrote him an email celebrating the North Pole/Godlessness Alliance.

Here it is.

Dear Santa,

I am writing you today to say thank you. This email is getting sent right now because I am well aware that you are entering your busy time of year, and that, thanks to Target, Walmart, etc., Santa Inc. gets busier and busier earlier and earlier. I want to make this clear: I am not writing you in thanks for any present you have given me or my children in the past or in the future. Rather, I just wanted to say Good job in secularising Christmas!

If it wasn't for your building up the Santa-industrial complex over the years Christmas would be just another lame holiday like Easter. Christians would then be mucking about talking about Jesus and making the rest of us miserable. Boo! Thanks to your organization Christians are relegated to obsessing like the rest of us on what Kardashian inspired product/brand to waste our money on.

Thanks again,

LiP

PS - Keep up with making those LED lights! I dream of a world where my kids won't have to go to war because the oil/gas/coal reserves were wasted on Christmas lights.

*You too can send Santa an email by clicking here! It is a form letter, but has a place for comments (that's where I placed my message). There is a section to ask Santa for certain presents. I asked for: respect of the Establishment Clause, an Enlightenment for Muslim countries (fingers crossed!), and Alyson Hannigan (well, it is a wish list).

OK, I just sent the email and got a reply from St. Nick! Here is His response.
Thank you for sending me your email all the way from Whitman! I sure do love the Internet because now I never feel lonely all the way up at the North Pole. An email from you, Andy, really makes my day!

Sugar plums and sleigh bells, Andy! Are you pulling my leg?!? You can't possibly be 43 years old already! Why it seems like only yesterday that I was leaving presents for a certain little boy and here you are now, practically one of Santa's elves! (*grin*)
Sorry the presents the last little while probably haven't been quite as exciting as they were when you were a little boy but, well, you know how these things go (*wink*). Anyway, Santa's glad to see some of the 'older kids' (not to mention anyone in particular!) still take the time to write. (And hopefully still leave out milk and cookies Christmas Eve too! *wink*) I also hear you've been a sorta good boy. (Of course, you won't mind if I do a little checking, will you? HO!! Ho!! ho!!).

I must tell you that Mrs. Claus is very impressed with your manners. How nice of you to say Thank you in your letter! You are most welcome.

Andy, I'm also very glad that you mentioned Jesus in your letter to me. After all, Jesus' birthday is a time for us all to be thankful that he was the best Christmas gift of all!

Let's see what you put in your letter for Christmas wishes: 1. respect for the establishment clause; 2. an enlightenment for muslim countries and; 3. alyson hannigan. May all your Christmas wishes come true!HO!! Ho!! ho!! Those ARE good presents Andy! We've been so very busy this year that I hope you won't be too upset with me if you don't get everything you want for Christmas.

Mrs. Claus says I should tell you about my "Santa Tweets". You can watch as everyone at the North Pole texts and twitters to each other. It's twitter tweets about Christmas treats!

Yum! Smells like Mrs. Claus just pulled another batch of cookies out of the oven. HO!! Ho!! ho!! I'll bet she needs help eating them! Take care Andy and don't forget to come back and visit me here at EmailSanta.com on Christmas Eve!! And remember... only 38 more sleeps until Christmas!!

BFF (Best Friends Forever :),

Santa Claus
Jesus hopping Christ, I amuse myself endlessly...

in Purgatory.




Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Herman Cain To Fight Accuser!

* I posted this on Newest Newsy News, but thought I'd share it here, too.


Des Moines, Iowa - In a new attempt to quash the accusations of sexual harassment against Republican Presidential hopeful Herman Cain, the Cain team has announced that the candidate and supposed victim Karen Kraushaar will meet in one-to-one combat. Daryl Misogyny, a spokesperson from the campaign, had this to say about this sudden shift in strategy on dealing with the scandal, Trial by combat a tradition that goes back centuries. To put it simply: The two parties in question walk onto the field of honor and the innocent survives and the guilty is slain. There may be some parties out there who view man versus woman combat to favor the man. However, our team has researched a classic Christian text on medieval combat from Hans Talhoffer.

Mr Misogyny produced this picture from the Talhoffer book .



Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Secret Verse Of The Bible Newly Revealed!

Scholarship regarding the Bible is constantly evolving. Newly unearthed documents in the Holy Land reveal what had been lost verses, chapters and even entire books from the New as well as Old Testaments. Here is one of the passages recovered.

And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O LORD, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou mayest blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy." And the LORD did grin and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals... And the LORD spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it. Book of Python 6: 1-5


LiP


Monday, November 14, 2011

Penn State Riots And Nose Picking Mashup

I have a Monday morning mashup for you all: the Penn State student riots and 9 year old boys fascination with their noses.

The Nose Issue.

Fingers not allowed.
I'll start off with the latter point. The Wife was away and visiting her brother. Under normal circumstances her jaunting off for a few days really doesn't effect my weekend plans too much. If anything it means I get to do less yard yard work and spend more time goofing around with the kids (Ali, 6, and Will, 9). However, her visit occurred at a most unfortunate weekend for me. You see, one of her friend's children was having a birthday party. Our household was treaty bound to send a delegation to the event along with a decent present. That meant I had to bring our two junior gene machines (nerd talk for kids) and hopefully not cause too much trouble. What was worse that my old friend, Al C. Ohol, was banned from the party. A dry party meant a far less entertained Andy.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Another Cultist Talks Trash About Another Cult


I found this on Think Progress. The name of the video says it all: On Veterans Day, State Rep. Womick (R-TN) calls for purging military of Muslim Americans. The first video is a quick 29 second bit from the longer 4 minute piece beneath it. 




I am not a fan of Islam, that should be fairly clear to my regular readers. However, I should mention that as part of my mandatory I Dislike All Cults policy I'll say I'm not fond of Judaism, Christianity, Hinduism, Mormonism, Unitarian Universalistm, Zoroastrianism, etc.  

LiP

Friday, November 11, 2011

No, Virginia, You Can't Be An Atheist And A Member Of The Unitarian Universalist Church In Good Faith

I'm sorry for the pun in the title of this post.

It has come to my attention that I haven't properly satirized the faith-based organization known as the Unitarian Universalist Church or the Church of "Ya Gotta Believe in Something!"

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

In The News This Week

Republican candidates "debated" once again..
Jesus Daily on Facebook now has 10,000,000 fans.
Penn State students marched in support of child abuse.


On Wednesday we celebrated Carl Sagan's life. 


I thought we should end up on a more positive note.

LiP

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Non-Christian Cabal Discovered Supporting Mitt Romney's Candidacy

NEWS FLASH - Purgatory News has discovered a nationwide conspiracy to elect the US's first non-Christian president: Mitt Romney. Members of the organization known as N.A.C. (Non-Christians Against Christocrats) have been secretly supporting Mr. Romney's candidacy while undermining other Republican hopefuls. A whistle blower from within the organization brought high level strategy notes to this reporter. Here are some of NAC's activities so far and what the nefarious group is planning in the future.
  • Make Rick Perry look like an idiot. The problem with this, the documents relate, is to make Mr Perry look idiotic to the Christian Right. The bar for idiocy amongst this demographic is exceptionally low. Refuting evolution, denying any climate change or declaring that God's will is the classic "invisible hand of the market' is par for the course. Rather, NAC worked tirelessly to scramble the candidate's area of the brain responsible for syntax by smuggling in hair jell made from habanero chilies found in the darkest jungles of Central America. Anyone watching the debates understand that this operation has been a smashing success. 
  • Make Herman Cain appear like Bill Clinton. Republican primary voters hate the most successful president of recent times: Bill Clinton. Whether it was the unacceptable economic prosperity or relative peace of the Clinton years, the Right in America can't stand him. NAC's plan of revealing supposed victims of Mr Cain's libido has struck a chord amongst the Jesus loving base of the Republican Party. 
Future plans by NAC include:
  • Reminding the electorate what kind of douche bag Newt Gingrich is. NAC is planning to utilize Newt's nemesis, facts, in a smear campaign. Though the story is over thirty years old NAC plans to bring up how Newt handled the divorce with first wife, Jackie.
“He can say that we had been talking about [a divorce] for 10 years, but the truth is that it came as a complete surprise,” says Jackie Gingrich, in a telephone interview from Carrollton. “He’s a great wordsmith … He walked out in the spring of 1980 and I returned to Georgia. By September, I went into the hospital for my third surgery [cancer surgery]. The two girls came to see me, and said Daddy is downstairs and could he come up? When he got there, he wanted to discuss the terms of the divorce while I was recovering from the surgery … To say I gave up a lot for the marriage is the understatement of the year.”

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

James Bond vs Religion


Bond's PPK 7.65mm
Bond, James Bond.

James Bond, the British secret agent has been fighting evil in print and movies for over 55 years (Casino Royale being the first Bond book published in 1953). I assert, and plan to prove in this post, that Mr Bond should face off against the world's "great" faiths in a series a movies. He would be right at home fighting for Enlightenment values (liberté, égalité, fraternité and promiscuity) against the forces of darkness (faith).

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Alternative Atheist Billboards

Atheist billboards should
have a monkey on them, too.
Who hates monkeys?
I'm sure many of you have heard about or have seen the variety of atheist billboards that have been put up around the country. Their messages include: You can be good without God; You know it's a myth. This season celebrate reason; and of course the atheist billboard that misquotes Thomas JeffersonI do not find in Christianity one redeeming feature. It is founded on fables and mythology.

Don't get me wrong, those are nifty billboards (well, maybe not the Jefferson one), but I propose that we as an atheist community want people who are not really religious or on the fence about faith to identify as being part of our tribe. The aforementioned secular advertisements don't really communicate what many Americans have do deal with on a normal basis.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Fire Members Of The Congressional Prayer Caucus

I propose firing the members of the Congressional Prayer Caucus.
Why?

The same reason why Hertz fired 26 Muslim employees: If you want to engage in religious activities, then don't do it while you are on the clock. An employer shouldn't have to pay their employees to pray to a fictitious divine friend. Of course, if you have a paid break and want to pray, scratch lottery tickets, or any other useless activity go right ahead.

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