Tuesday, November 8, 2011

James Bond vs Religion

Bond's PPK 7.65mm
Bond, James Bond.

James Bond, the British secret agent has been fighting evil in print and movies for over 55 years (Casino Royale being the first Bond book published in 1953). I assert, and plan to prove in this post, that Mr Bond should face off against the world's "great" faiths in a series a movies. He would be right at home fighting for Enlightenment values (liberté, égalité, fraternité and promiscuity) against the forces of darkness (faith).

And so here are my Four Reasons Why James Bond Would Feel Right At Home Fighting The World Religions.

World religions are run by idiosyncratic super villains. Two of my favorite baddies from the series are Dr No and Gold Finger (yeah, I'm old school). Dr No had that weird hand thing going on and what about the morbidly obese Goldfinger and his fixation on that precious metal?  Take a look at the real world baddies...

An extreme case of
a super villain's love
for the proper wardrobe.

Osama, however, adopted a plain look but focused
more on 72 virgins and a proper beard.
However, neither beard nor Allah offered
protection against bullets. 

James Bond's enemies in the movies like SMERSH (actually a real Soviet spy agency that Bond author Fleming used) and SPECTRE  (SPecial Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge, and Extortion) run diabolical schemes to accomplish their goals. I'm sorry, but this point is the easiest to prove.

Exhibit A

The Pentagon on 9-11.

Exhibit B

Joshua and his band of lunatics about to commit genocide
in ancient Canaan

Exhibit C

Christian militants using music as mind control.

The femme fatale. Any James Bond movie must have a villainous organization that uses women in their web of evil.

This is right out of a James Bond movie or the Syfy channel.

Nuns working hard to support their penis wielding
evil superiors.

Extreme methods are used as punishment. We all know this scene in the movie: An evil lackey reports to the super villain that something has gone wrong with the organization's machinations. Bad things are going to happen to that underling.

Sahih Bukhari, Volume 2, Book 23: Funerals, Number 413: Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar: The Jew brought to the Prophet a man and a woman from amongst them who have committed (adultery) illegal sexual intercourse. He ordered both of them to be stoned (to death), near the place of offering the funeral prayers beside the mosque."

Of course, the ancient Jews loooooved a good stoning, too.

Then Joshua, together with all Israel, took Achan son of Zerah, the silver, the robe, the gold bar, his sons and daughters, his cattle, donkeys and sheep, his tent and all that he had, to the Valley of Achor.   Joshua said, “Why have you brought this trouble on us? The LORD will bring trouble on you today.”
Then all Israel stoned him, and after they had stoned the rest, they burned them.  Over Achan they heaped up a large pile of rocks, which remains to this day. - Joshua 7: 24-27


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