Sunday, September 25, 2011

Allah's Rules At School

To celebrate the upcoming International Blasphemy Day on Friday, September 30th I plan to turn the dial to 11 on the blasphemy amplifier. I'll be doing stories/jokes about the barbaric laws against free speech that plague many countries.

She really, really wants 
to ace that spelling
In light of the recent case of the 8 year old Christian girl who was charged with blasphemy for a spelling mistake in Pakistan, Allah has decided that schools in the Islamic state will need to enforce the following divine rules.

Every student is allotted with 100 words a day to use. To ensure that blasphemy is never uttered again in the hallowed halls of learning in Pakistan each student will be given one hundred words to use during school hours. Of course, the student's name will be considered two of the allowed words, but there is no guarantee that his or her name will be on the daily list. In case there is any confusion Mr Allah says to pray harder.

Each semester a national trivia contest on the Koran will occur and the winner will get their own AK-47 and grenade -- just like they do it in Somalia. 
Over the weekend, a Somali radio station run by the Shabab, the most powerful Islamist militant group in the war-ravaged country, held an awards ceremony to honor children who were experts at Shabab trivia and at reciting the Koran. The prizes? Fully automatic assault rifles and live hand grenades - New York Times
A change in the Science cirriulum: Monthly beheadings of scientists who hold pro-evolutionary views. Just as Dr. Usama Hasan had death threats placed against him after stating in public the following  inflammatory rhetoric.
Evolution "is not a matter of iman [belief] or kufr [disbelief]," said Dr Hasan, "and people are free to accept or reject a particular scientific theory." He also attacked clerics who made pronouncements about science they didn't understand, declaring that "any such fatwas about science from people ignorant of the subject matter are null and void." - The Independent
In the event that Pakistani scientists who hold evolutionary views can't be found, they will be imported from abroad.

Taco Tuesday has been banned. Mr Allah has decided that that the crunchy goodness of the taco is too heavily influenced by western thought. Who knows what will happen if the God fearing youth of Pakistan eat food influenced by alien philosophies? Once Pakistan is on that slippery slope can the legalization of bestiality be far away?

Luckily, we in America have never overreacted to anything like heretical food. Just listen to this informed, temperate opinion when Campbell's decided to make halal soup.
"Down with Campbell's. Up with the forces of freedom that fight tyranny and dhimmihood," added "Wellington."[anonymous nut job] "Would particularly relish some fine matzo ball soup made in the free and democratic Jewish state which multitudes of Muslims and leftists in the West despise so much." from WorldNetDaily

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