Monday, August 15, 2011

Five Reasons Why It Isn't God's Fault

Manny Ramirez,
being Manny Ramirez
5.  YAHWEH being YAHWEH - This is a clear variation of the saying referencing baseball player Manny Ramirez, Manny being Manny. Here is a smidgen of Manny's odd behavior.

Over the course of his stay in Boston the antics began to multiply: He loped to first base on ground balls; he peed mid-inning inside the Green Monster; his efforts to corral fly balls could be mistaken for performance art; he high-fived a fan after a leaping grab at the wall; he lost his $15,000 diamond earring sliding into third base; he refused to stand with a Little Leaguer for the national anthem during a public relations promotion.
Manny was just being Manny. It wasn't his fault, per se, it's just who the guy is. YAHWEH is the same way. The Big Guy wants to kill his own son, or wipes out the planet in a catastrophic flood, or smites the first born of Egypt? It's just YAHWEH being YAHWEH. That explains everything!

So the plan looks like a French galleon
 -- don't complain.
4. God's plan! - God is omniscient and omnipotent, so all things are predetermined to His blueprint. Don't go complaining to God when things go poorly. It's not His fault, it's the plan. The plan seemed good in theory before the beginning of Time and Space, but to quote Yogi Beara,

In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not. 

Ready. Set. Learn!!!
4. Today, I learned something... - Stan Marsh, from the TV show South Park, likes to reflect on what he has learned. Although Stan is a bit of a skeptic, I would say his quote applies to the greatest teacher of all, GOD. God loves to teach his flock about His love by utilizing advanced educational techniques like killing off their family and inflicting them with horrible diseases (yes, Job, I'm looking at you). The next time something horrible happens to you, ask What is God trying to learn me?

Football IS God.
3. It is what it is. - Once again, stressing the link between sports and metaphysics we have It is what it is. Although New England Patriots coach, Bill Belichick, did not coin the phrase, he did popularize it. Now, some of the eggheads may question this phrase's ability to actually explain anything -- that it's a conversational placeholder until someone smart comes up an explanation for some phenomenon. To those over thinkers I would like to quote another great philosopher,

Ultimately, God can not be questioned for his morally questionable acts, because It is what it is.
This guy asked way too many questions.

1. Question: Why would God do/allow such horrible things? Answer: God has Hell for people who ask such questions. - OK, this really isn't a reason why it's not God's fault.  It's more like a general principle: Don't ask; don't tell. If you ask, you obviously don't have faith so it's down to the bad place with you to join all the other freethinkers. However, by not asking you are obviously enjoying God's grace, and how can that be bad?


1 comment:

  1. well i certainly feel that God is punishing me from having a love life since i always meet the very nasty women that will Curse at me for trying to start a conversation with the one that i would really like to meet, then again i know other men that had this happened to them as well. certainly explains why there are so many Gay Women these days.


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