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Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Man Finds God's Foreskin.


New Fashion Trend!
Foreskin Chic!
 Whitman, MA - A local man has made it official: He has found God's foreskin. Andrew Hall, local curmudgeon, found the holy item early last Sunday morning. "I was at the pitch-n-put and sliced my ball into the woods," he told this reporter. "I went in to look for it and instead of finding my golf ball I found this 10 foot in diameter sheath of skin. I didn't know what it was at first, but I brought it home thinking some idiot on Craig's List may want to buy it for some kind of fetishy thing."  When asked how he knew it was God's foreskin Mr Hall replied, "Well, that night I left the thing out and my 13 year old half blind, with bad hips pit bull-rottie mix started gnawing on it. Next morning her vision had cleared, her hips had been cured, and that darned dog turned the water in her dish into wine - not that wine in the box either, it was the good sh*t: 1945 Chateau Mouton-Rothschild Jeroboam. That was one happy dog."

Local supporter of pedophiles, Father Coughlin, confronted Mr Hall during this interview. Here is their exchange.

FoP (Friend of Pedophiles): This is blasphemy!

LL (Local Loon): What we have here is a holy relic.

FoP: Why would God need a circumcision? Circumcision is a sign of the covenant between God and his people!

LL: Jesus was a Jew, right?

FoP: Yes.

LL: Jesus was God, right?

FoP: Yes, but -

LL: That means Jesus got his lit'l man snipped. Ergo, like Father, like Son.

FoP: Why would God leave His foreskin at the pitch-n-put?

LL: The Lord works in mysterious ways, Father. Who are we to question?

Father Coughlin was then escorted off Mr Hall's property by a particularly frisky pit bull-rottweiler mix. When asked what his plans are for the Holy Foreskin Mr Hall replied. "I plan to wrap it around me and wear it toga style. It'll come in handy in case I come across anyone in need of divine smiting and it'll be a good way to start up conversation with the ladies at the local bar. 'Why yes, this is God's foreskin - wanna feel a bit of heaven?'"

2 comments:

  1. Oh so men really ARE made in His foresaken foreskin image. Phew. That could have been really embarrassing for those generations of holymen insisting on the removal of bits of babies' bits.

    ReplyDelete

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