Tuesday, May 3, 2011

A Few Thoughts About Judgement Day, May 21

All of you are aware I'm sure of the upcoming Judgement/Rapture/Coo coo for Christ Day that's coming up on May 21. I have a few questions and comments I need to air.

Dammit! I worshipped
the wrong God.
  This has been the crappiest Tribulation ever!

Wait, you didn't know that we have been living through the Tribulation? Don't just take it from me, read the following from an infallible source:
On May 21st, 1988, God finished using the churches and congregations of the world. The Spirit of God left all churches and Satan, the man of sin, entered into the churches to rule at that point in time. The Bible teaches us that this awful period of judgment upon the churches would last for 23 years. A full 23 years (8400 days exactly) would be from May 21 st, 1988 until May 21st, 2011. This information was discovered in the Bible completely apart from the information regarding the 7000 years from the flood. -from the Crazy Christian site
Totally, 100% lame Tribulation. When I was coming up as a foot soldier for the Sky Fairy I imagined the Tribulation to be old school - rivers turning to blood, amphibians of some sort falling from the sky - that sort of thing. Instead we got the fall of the Soviet Union and the pax Clintona. On the other hand, we did have Bush the Younger as president.

 I give this Tribulation a C -.

But all is not lost! The all loving God intends to torture the planet for 5 months between Judgement Day on May 21 to the end of the world on October 21. Hopefully, God will bring his A game.

I'm not that bright.
Can I be too stupid for Hell?

What is the age of consent for everlasting damnation?

I have a six year daughter and I nine year old son. Both consider God to be in the same category as SpongeBob SquarePants (albeit an evil SpongeBob SquarePants). Now, I'm not going to fill their heads with superstitious nonsense, but let's say that we're all brains plugged into a super computer simulation and this Judgement Day thing goes down. How old does a child need to be when God says "Meh, you're too young to make a decision about this. You're going to heaven!" My son still believes in Santa Clause. I say if a kid (or anyone else for that matter) believes in Santa they are not able to make informed decisions concerning their immortal soul.

I hate everyone.
Ask the Jews.
 I see on your map that there are many Judgement Day billboards in places in India and the US, but none in France. Does God hate the French? (see link)

Is it their love for Jerry Lewis? Perhaps God hates their socialistic national slogan Liberty, Equality, and Fraternity? Either way there aren't going to be many Frenchmen in Heaven.

I'm sure I'll have more thoughts as this august day approaches.

I think a countdown is in order.


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