Monday, May 2, 2011

An Atheist Prayer Regarding Osama bin Laden

No, we don't find this activity homoerotic at all, honest.

Dear Fictitious God, I give thanks today that you brought your long time servant, Osama bin Laden, "home".
He has been a problem for many of us, but frankly you are THE problem.
You see, Osama bin Laden may have been any seventh son among fifty brothers and sisters from a wealthy Saudi family if it wasn't for you.
Thank you, oh Fictitious God.

You had plans for Osama. You blessed the country of his birth with a barbaric faith, his father with a strict religious sense which he inculcated into his children, oh wise Lord.
Osama heard your Law and knew in his heart that mankind had to follow your way. And that he had to lead mankind with Godly love.
Thank you, oh Fictitious God. 

God, you inspired Osama to create in 1988 "an organized Islamic faction, its goal is to lift the word of God, to make His religion victorious." You gave the world al-Quaeda.
With your guiding hand, Osama and his associates were able to spread the word of God to many, many people. And not by Twitter either.
Thank you, oh Fictitious God.

Thank you Lord for America, a secular republic that doesn't have the word God in its constitution.
Thank you Lord for two oceans that keep many of your servants away from us.
And lastly, thank you for the beer I'm drinking as I celebrate the recent victory of the Enlightenment over your servant, Osama bin Laden.
Thank you, oh Fictitious God.

Dear Fictitious God, go away.
We don't need any more of your servants.
We don't need you.

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