Then it hit me.
My new super-cool religion needs a militia. Periodically I'll offer sneak peeks into the religion that is being forged (I like that word!) in the depths of Purgatory. There is but one rule: the Purgatorian faith must be far more awesome than any other! In that spirit I have insisted that the uber-cult include things like: funny hats, an enormous amount of busy-work, and subsidies from the government. A militia is necessary, and not for the reasons you may think. Sure, a militia is there to persecute non-believers, but there are many other reasons.
- Impromptu a capella jams. Who doesn't have the fervent desire to just start singing at any moment with no instrumental accompaniment? The members of the militia could bust out a rendition of their favorite songs from the Glee soundtrack in a wide variety of circunstances. For example, Pokerface by Lady Gaga may be just the right tune while waterboarding a heretic.
- Midnight torch rallies. A great way to spend an evening! Gather all our militia buddies, find some torches and march around a field. Once we're done with the march we'll make smores... or burn books ... or terrorize the countryside...
- Swords, badass swords Why join a milia if you can't carry a sword? They won't be those silly blades you see the military use for ceremonial purposes, either. Each member of the militia will carry a two handed 6 foot 3 inches tall flamberge. Can't handle such a large blade? You're not praying hard enough. Purgatory's God (or gods - haven't figured that out yet) hates weak wrists and forearms.
- War Games These won't be the garden variety militia war games where the militia fights the United Nations or Obama's stormtroopers - known as the US Army. These war games will reenact great moments in religious militarism like the Crusades (afterall, we will be carrying those swords).