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Tuesday, August 31, 2010

What I Would Do During The Apocalypse

I was thinking about it today What if I'm wrong about this God thing and Christ returns in my lifetime? It's a very, very small chance, but I think I should have a basic game plan. Here it is.
  1. Loot That's right, a lot of Christians will have ascended up to heaven during the Rapture. That means their stuff will just be laying around. Good. More for me. Don't think I'm joking either. After the Black Death swept through Europe the survivors got a lot of free stuff.
  2. Write a few Letters to the Editor. That's right I've got some stuff to kvetch about. Just because I was wrong about God being all powerful (and even that may be a bit iffy going into the Apocalypse)  I still think he isn't all good. My opinion is that he's not just - he's just a big bully. I've got facts on my side.
  3. Make fun of all the televangelists left behind. Ha! I told you those f*ckers were in it for the cash... and the male prostitutes of course.
  4. Drink It is the Apocalypse and who knows how long the liquor will last.
  5. Buy a lot of bug killer. Supposedly there will swarms of locusts (what else?). I think God should mix it up and send a swarm of killer ladybugs. Wait, I have an idea for a Syfy channel movie...
  6. I plan to continue to be an a**hole. Those who have not worshipped the Beast will rule with the martyred saints during the 1,000 years the Beast is in the pit. Swell, count me out. I'm not in the worshipping business. I have my principles.
  7. I plan to sign up for as many credit cards as possible. It's the end of the world and credit is always king. The best thing is I won't have to pay any of it back... the world is ending.
  8. Stock up on porn. I don't know how long the internet will stay up during the Tribulation. My survival kit would have: water purification tablets, beef jerky, and porn... maybe Cocoa Pebbles and some milk too.
  9. I plan to move to Kentucky. I hear it's fifty years behind the rest of the country and that should buy me some time (paraphrasing Mark Twain).
  10. Change my last name to Zinn. I always liked Johnny Quest.
I think that is a solid plan because...

this is Purgatory.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Atheists, Fundamentalists, Morality

I was reading through a friend's blog post today. The blog is about his life: work, family, and occasionally  his take on politics and religion. Today's post really spoke to me. He is in a difficult work situation and struggling to find a way out of it. I was at the playground with the kids (why do parents let young children bring hard plastic swords to the playground? That's another post.) and decided to send some e-help. I have a friend who does career counseling and thought if they met up on Facebook they could talk and by buddy's burden may become lighter.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Free Speech PSA

Here is a Free Speech PSA (Public Service Announcement) made by a teenager for the Center for Inquiry/Campaign for Free Expression video contest.

Check out the Facebook page for Blasphemy Day International - Sept. 30th.

Also, I plan to be doing 30 Days of Blasphemy - a tribute to blasphemy starting September 1st and ending on Blasphemy Day International.  Stay tuned.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Glenn Beck, Honor Rally, and the Military

I hate to break it to all of you.

The Darkside is casting it's long shadow.

Darkness envelopes the land.

You know what I'm talking about.

It's election season.

Ick.

I like facts, reasoned arguments, and not tasting my own vommit. Election season has a way of distorting facts, making irrational arguments, and causing me to grab for the antacids. Thanks to Glenn Beck and his Restoring Honor rally in Washington DC election season is in full swing.

Friday, August 27, 2010

The First Atheist, Feminist, and Gay Man






That's what the voices in my head told me you all wanted: More poorly drawn stick figures.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Archimedes, Nerdiness, and Screenwriting

There are times that my fountain of useless knowledge comes in handy. This is particularly true when it comes to one of my avocations - screenwriting. I call screenwriting an avocation since no one has seen the wisdom to offer me a pile (it doesn't need to be a big pile either) of money for one of my scripts. I'm sure you'll be surprised when I tell you that my scripts are mostly comedies. I feel that my specialty is horror/comedy (vampires in particular), but I've also written some romantic/comedies as well as serious pieces. A variety of my short films can be seen on the My Movies and Purgatory's Youtube Channel page.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Laughing In Purgatory University (PU) - Great Dates In Religious History

I thought that adding a history major to PU would be a good idea.

Here are some dates worth noting in the chronicles of faith.

July 22, 1209 Arnaud-Amaury, Abbot of Citeaux informs crusaders the policy on how to tell enemies from Catholics, "Kill them all. God will know his own."  It's interesting to note that the crusade was being waged in southern France against the Cathars, a Christian heresy.

June 22, 1633 Galileo Galilei is charged with heresy due to his support of a sun centered universe.

November 4, 1992  "Thanks to his intuition as a brilliant physicist and by relying on different arguments, Galileo, who practically invented the experimental method, understood why only the sun could function as the centre of the world, as it was then known, that is to say, as a planetary system. The error of the theologians of the time, when they maintained the centrality of the Earth, was to think that our understanding of the physical world's structure was, in some way, imposed by the literal sense of Sacred Scripture....
– Pope John Paul II, saying oooops our bad!  (From the same article as above)

September 22, 1692 Eight convicted witches were hung in Salem, MA (click here for story).

September 11, 1857 Mormons engaged in what to be known as "Mountains Meadows Massacre" where 120 men, women, and children were killed (click here for the article).

February 26, 1993 The first bombing of the World Trade Center by Islamic militants - six people were killed and 1,042 people injured.

November 18, 1978  Nine hundred and sixty seven of the faithful at Jonestown, Guyana were either killed or committed suicide at the behest of their spiritual leader, Rev. Jim Jones (click here for link). Jones decided on the mass death of his followers after having killed visiting CA Representative Leo Ryan and all who were in his party.

November 27, 1095 Pope Urban II opens the can of crazy that became the First Crusade, "Let them go instead against the infidel and fight a righteous war. God himself will lead them, for they will be doing His work. There will be absolution and remission of sins for all who die in the service of Christ." Yes, you read that right all sins are forgiven if you go and fight the baddie. Where have I heard that before?

November 4, 1979 Radical Islamic students seize the US embassy in Tehran, Iran and hold fifty two Americans hostage for 444 days.

Yeah, I'm noticing a lot of bad sh*t goes down in the Fall too.

December 9, 2009 I wrote the first post for Laughing In Purgatory. OK, maybe this has more to do with anti-faith.

I'll do some more notable dates and explore specific ones in future posts.

Signing off...

from Purgatory.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Andy vs The Catholic Church Part Something - Something

I was driving down the street with the Mrs. and our two ragamuffins Will and Ali (8 and 5 years old). I tell people that we named her Ali in preperation for our future Muslim overlords - people just look at me not knowing what to say (I get that a lot). This is not true of course, we named her Alexandrina after my wife's aunt, but that isn't funny at all.

But onto what this post is actually about.

We talked for a while and I asked how her friend S (I am protecting the anynonimity of this person) is doing. S and her husband had a child recently (they don't read the blog). The Mrs. turns to me and said, "They're all doing fine," awkward pause, "and they invited us to the christening."

Monday, August 23, 2010

When Christians Are For A Secular State

One of the benefits of reading this blog is that you get to know a bit about my myriad of friends and acquaintances who are smarter and/or more talented than me (though that may not be saying much). One of these friends is Adam. Adam and I met as undergraduates. He was a Music major while I was Psychology student and dabbled in philosophy. Currently he works for the CDC (Centers for Disease Control) and spends a lot of time in sub-Saharan Africa working on Malaria prevention. Malaria is a particularly nasty disease that is spread by mosquitoes and in 2008 it is estimated that it killed 708,000 -1,003,000 (click here for the CDC Malaria page) people worldwide. Adam actually caught Malaria while he was in the Peace Corps but that's a story for a different time.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Suffering + Beavers = Religion

Today's post is from a friend who I have known since middle school, Mike T. We have an interesting history. When we first met I was high on Jesus and my buddy was an Atheist. As years went by I snapped out of the wacky Christian thing but he became a hardcore fundamentalist. Yikes. Over time he found his way back to Atheism. He has been a happy Atheist for a number of years. Here is his post on the nature of faith and suffering.

Something is terribly wrong. Why is that beaver building that dam? Where are all the birds going? What’s that growth on my foot?


Reality, as it is, bothers us. Like beavers and birds we learn to change things around a bit, or we simply go away. But the harsh nature of reality cannot always be escaped. I think it’s common to think that religion comes from the needs people have to explain how everything came to be, or to provide rules of conduct. But we overlook what is a significant driving force underneath most religion.

Judaism and Hinduism both developed in the ancient world within their broader cultural environments. Thru much of the bible, the Hebrew prophets wrestle with the issue of suffering. Why does God allow Israel to suffer and be conquered? One answer could’ve been that God didn’t really exist, but of course the prophets weren’t going there. Maybe he wasn’t all powerful? Maybe he wasn’t all good? No, the solution they adapted in many cases is that the problem must be with the people. The people sinned so God punishes them with other nations, captivity, and

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Carnival of Progressive Politics, Blog Update, AND Funny Pictures

My post Introducing Laughing in Purgatory University has made it into the recent edition of Carnival of Progressive Politics. There's a lot of good stuff there to read and worth a gander (maybe a chicken too).

I've also added some share buttons at the bottom of each post so you have two opportunities (at the top of each post there is a share button also) to share something you like.

Finally, I was at a going away party last night for a buddy (a bit younger than me) who is going into the military (there will be a post about this later). It was at a local VFW and my kids were there for the first hour. It seems that some of the younger crowd got Ali (my five year old) into a game of Beer Pong, of course Ali was drinking ginger ale. She never gets ginger ale so she thought it was AWESOME. Here are some pics.




Friday, August 20, 2010

Mass Extinction

Hi! I'm Andy - you may not know me really well. There is a common misconception that I write some kinda hybrid Atheist/comedy/crimes against good taste blog.

Kinda.

Kinda not.

I consider myself to be a student of the human condition - of the human animal. I feel that I specialize in a broad subject that is near and dear to my heart: Human Stupidity. Luckily I have provided a lot of data for my studies that allows for a certain... insight. Though I write mostly about religion other stupid related phenomena intrigue me.

You may ask yourself, dear reader, how does this subcategory of religion fit into the main subject of stupid?

I'm glad you asked. I have furnished a happy little Venn diagram to illustrate my theory. This is not meant to be an exhaustive exploration of the topic, rather a chill laid back Friday afternoon observation.

I think the diagram has its own austere beauty.

But I'm not here to talk about Venn diagrams. I'm here to talk about the latest mass extinction - the McMansion. As reported on Yahoo News (click here for the article) the once proud sign of I have poor judgement is (sniff) dying out. 

It's true. The giant sized monster house that typically defied good taste and laughed in the face of heating bills (don't worry, we'll just fight another oil war so you can heat your house) is going the way of T-Rex. Listen to what's happening to this once proud species.
In a survey of builders last year, nine out of 10 said they planned to build smaller or lower-priced homes.
How big is big? How large has the average American home grown in the past few decades? Hmmmm..
1,200 square feet was the average home size in America in the 1960s. That grew to 1,710 square feet in the 1980s and 2,330 square feet in the 2000s.
Well of course the size of an average home has grown. Look at the technological leap in uber-size TVs. The room has to be proportionate to the TV - a bigger TV automatically means a bigger living room which automatically means the other rooms have to be bigger so that the room with the big TV in it does not seem like some kind of big freakish room.

Got it?

Good.

 My concern as ever is, has anyone thought about the children? Where are they going to play without their decorative water features, tennis courts, and gazebos (from the article)? Will they have to rub shoulders with the riff raff? Pray for them.

Me? This is just another day...

in Purgatory.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

What To Do About Superstition In Our Schools

I found this on Heaving Dead Cats and felt it had to be shared. The sound quality isn't great (I mean even my short films have better sound quality - no not my Flip video bits but the movies placed under the My Movies page above). Also, I think Mr. Faircloth should smile more. This is a common mistake made by Atheists who believe that they will win hearts and minds based on the content of their message alone.


Wednesday, August 18, 2010

In your opinion do organized religions have so much money stockpiled (ex: vatican) that interest alone on these fortunes will keep them alive in perpetuity even when they lose most followers to atheism in generations to come?

This is a recent question from the Ask Me Anything page.

Wow! What a pleasant world it would be if most of the followers of organized religion became Atheists. My boy would be able to say the pledge of allegiance sans under God and not worry about getting his ass kicked.  Christmas would still be irritating with all the mass consumption and all but the holiday would be sooooo much easier to handle. And let's not forget the pox on our society known as the Religious Right.  They'd be gone as a political force.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Jesus Is Knocking At Your Door



Here is my latest super-hit Jesus Is Knocking At Your Door.

Here are the lyrics.

Jesus is knocking at the door,
Knocking at the door to your heart,
Let him in you're full of sin,
Jesus is knocking at your door.

Jesus is banging at your door,
Kicking at the door to your heart,
You'll die someday and then you'll pay,
If you don't let him into your heart.

Jesus is pouting at your door,
He's pissed that you won't let him in,
If you don't love him you'll learn to swim,
burning in a lake of fire.

Here is the link to Purgatory's Youtube channel.

Monday, August 16, 2010

My Conversation With Adolf Hitler

I took a trip to Hell the other day to have a chit-chat with Adolf Hitler. It's been tough getting time with him because he is one busy dude. Luckily for me it's Ramadan and Satan likes to tempt all those hungry and thirsty Muslims. Personally I don't think it's fair that the guy has to work on Christians as well as Muslims, but he is a team player and he does love his work. Who am I to judge?

I wasn't going to Hell to see the guy - it's totally against the rules. Adolf did get a pass for a few hours and we were able to meet in a small diner in Limbo. I got there early (as Chris Rock's father said to him, "You can be on time or late.") and had the meatloaf. Adolf shambled in after my second bite and took a seat.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

What If Christopher Hitchens Converts?

I was reading a piece in today's (8/15/10) New York Times about Christopher Hitchens. As most of you  know he has esophageal cancer and it has spread to the lymph nodes. Hitchens reports, "I would be a very lucky person to live another five years."  Regardless, I hope that he makes a full recovery and if not that then he completes his days without undo suffering.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

What We Can Learn From The Mormons

I was reading Atheist Revolution this morning about a billboard that the Freedom From Religion Foundation (FFRF) has up.


This may come as a surprise to many of my readers, but I don't think coming off like a dick is a good idea. OK, OK I have done some dickish stuff on the blog: Drawing Mohamed Day, calling the faithful Godbots, and hypothesizing that God is really a form of Evil Santa, to name a few. However, as a writer of the funny I am societally sanctioned to be an a-hole as long as people laugh. If people do not laugh then I'm resigned to Dante's 3rd Ring o' Hell reserved for people like Rosie O'Donnell.

But I digress.

Telling people that there is no afterlife is way worse than telling them that there is no Sky Fairy. Not only is there no God, but there is no heaven? People believe in God to get into heaven. People may want to think that there is a good place to go to after they die even if the Sky Fairy isn't there. Also, a billboard is no way to inform people that there is no afterlife. Think about it. Say I'm driving home from a sh*t day of work and  I see that billboard. Do you know what I think? Those folks from the FFRF are a bunch of dicks. Really. That's how people think and feel in a place called America, the place Ned Flanders (ala Simpsons) called, "That area between the two coasts."  Listen,  I totally agree that when I'm dead I'm gone. What I am saying is that this billboard ain't going to win friends and influence people (except in that bad way).

Mormonism is Evil. I think we all get behind that, right? Have you seen their newest propaganda piece? Here it is!


Jesus hoppin' Christ -  Joseph Goebbels would be proud! They have it all! A pretty girl having fun in the surf with her dad. She doesn't even mention that she's a Mormon until the last 10 seconds of the piece! The ad builds up an emotional bond with the viewer before mentioning the Sky Fairy stuff. Brilliant. Do you know what people think when they see that? What swell people those Mormons are. I want to be like them. Notice how the Mormons didn't mention: baptizing the dead, becoming gods, or that God physically had sex with Mary so that she would become pregnant with Jesus.

We have a lot to learn from Mormons...

and that makes my head want to explode.

This truly is Purgatory.

Blog Update

OK, I knew the old comment system blew big chunks of chunky badness. I have just installed Disqus a vastly superior comment system (hopefully). There may be some bugs during this transition - please be patient with my semi-computer literate self.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Glenn Beck Is Pro Gay Marriage?

Glenn Beck says leave the Gays alone?
Just got this on Youtube. The audio isn't good, but one can understand the argument.



Here's a bit of the transcript (click here for the article on Politics Daily).

BECK: Here's the reason, America. Your country is burning down. I don't think marriage, that the government actually has anything to do with . . .
O'REILLY: But they do have . . .
BECK: That is a religious rite. [Referring to the sacrament of marriage]
O'REILLY: I know, but they do have something to do, because gay marriage is going to be a reality in this country in 10 years.
BECK: Why do they have anything to do with it?
O'REILLY: Because they choose to, and you're not going to stop them, all right?
BECK: Actually, this is where we disagree.
O'REILLY: The Supreme Court may rule against gay marriage. Very possible.
BECK: You're willing to continue to go down the road of just accepting "well that's the way it is."
O'REILLY: I'm not accepting anything. I wrote a book about it. Don't give me this accept. Come on.
BECK: He's so hostile.
O'REILLY: Yes. I have to correct you. You are ignoring the profound change in the American family.
BECK: No, I'm not.
O'REILLY: But you're not covering it.
BECK: Because I think that the thing that needs to be covered -- Bill, I believe in a symphony. If we're all playing clarinets, we ain't going to get very far. A symphony needs to sound. I'm covering what I cover. You cover what you cover. Both of us are saying the same thing. Watch the culture.
O'REILLY: Do you believe -- do you believe that gay marriage is a threat to the country in any way?
BECK: A threat to the country?
O'REILLY: Yes. Is it going to harm?
BECK: No. Are the gay -- will the gays come and get us?
O'REILLY: OK. Is it going to harm the country in any way?
BECK: I believe that Thomas Jefferson said, "If it neither breaks my leg or picks my pocket, what difference is it to me?"

I just want to say that I don't think Glenn Beck is any less of a lunatic. But you have to appreciate his facial gestures and the way he uses them to mock O"Reilly.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

The Ground Zero Mosque

I was reading through this week's Economist magazine (8/7-8/13) and came upon one of my favorite sections: Lexington (though I think the obituaries are the best written pieces in the whole mag). Lexington is an article that highlights an important topic that's prowling through the American scene. This week the title of the piece is Build that Mosque. We all know the mosque they are talking about - the Ground Zero Mosque. I read through the article (and I suggest everyone do so) and my opinion has shifted a bit.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Am I A Militant Atheist?

I read other blogs quite a bit and I'm thinking...

I may be a militant.

By militant I mean a person who has been consumed by a particular cause. In my case Atheism. It could border on being dysfunctional if other aspects of a person's life are eclipsed. Militants are typically poor company unless you happen to be a like minded militant.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

To Discuss Atheism Or Not To?

I hear it occasionally from Atheists, "I don't talk about  my non-belief with people because arguing doesn't work," or "Debating a hardcore Catholic or Muslim is useless".

Maybe - maybe not.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Schism In the House Of Platypus!

It's true! There seems to be a significant size difference between Northern Platypuses and Southern Platypuses. Which are the favored children of the Great Platypus in the Sky?

There can be only one way to find out...

 Platypus Jihad.

The short piece below are from those science people who blaspheme the Father of all Paltypi (he doesn't know that platypi isn't the plural of platypus, I'm not the one who is going to tell him) by talking about evolution and stuff.

Enjoy.


Saturday, August 7, 2010

Blog Update - Purgatory University

Hey everyone, I changed a few pages around on the blog. I took down the Drawing Mohamed Day and Catholic Cleaner-Upper Man's pages. They were funny, but they were also up for a looooong time. In their place is a Purgatory University page where I have listed two majors : Anti-Assholology and Rhetoric. Under each major is a reading list of posts. There will be more majors listed in the future. Enjoy.

Since I have your attention (hopefully), I'm interested in what you think of the blog. What you like about it. What you don't. Maybe you want me to cover a particular topic.  Let me know by commenting below - be honest! I monitor all comments so you don't have to feel bashful.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Julia Roberts Is A Hindu

You may have not heard this important late breaking story because you all have a life of some sort. What? You're just eating Cheesy-Puffs and watching reruns of South Park? That, my friend, is not a waste of time (if so then I am the King of Time Wastage). It seems that Julia Roberts as well as her husband and kids are practicing Hindus (see the full story here).

Wow, that's soooo...

crazy.

Anniversary Of The Hiroshima A-bombing



Tomorrow, August 6th, is the anniversary of the a-bombing of Hiroshima, Japan.  I plan to use the day to reflect on how I can make the world a wee less miserable, though that goal can seem like holding back the tide...

in Purgatory.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

God Blues



I was talking to a few friends the other day and they mentioned the blog and how I was always trying new stuff. Yep, that's me trying new stuff sometimes failing sometimes not, but always making a good faith effort to entertain.

Sooooo, here we are with tonight's experiment God Blues. I took a simple bluesy kinda tune, added a harmonica, and popped in my own lyrics.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Burn The Koran Day

I was reading Atheist Revolution today and came across a post concerning Dove World Outreach's Burn the Koran Day! Vjack included a clip from CNN which demonstrated that the standards of intelligent debate have dropped pitifully low. I suggest everyone see the clip and read vjack's reasonable response by clicking here.

However, I am far from reasonable and have some poster suggestions for any protesters of Burn the Koran Day.




I learned that Heinrich Heine quote from watching The World At War when I was a kid.

Those were good times...

in Purgatory.

Monday, August 2, 2010

God and Sexual Harassment

Here is a guest post from my friend Laurie Holman over at Laurie's Job Search Tidbits - Take A Bite. Laurie is an Atheist and has worked as a Career Counselor for a a number of years. Here is her post, enjoy!

These are two things you want to steer clear of in the workplace, and of course in your job search. Just as leering at your boss and grabbing his ass in the supply room is not only considered gauche but actually illegal (unless he’s into it), disgorging God propaganda at work is not likely to bring you accolades either, unless of course your career is God - related.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Raising Atheists or What, I'm Not Getting Laid?

If you're a regular reader of this blog you know I have kids, Ali and Will (5 and 8). They are surprisingly happy (is there something wrong with them - are they sick?) children, but from what I understand this is normal. I consider it a "phase" and that when they enter adolescence they will become dour and sullen. It's not that I'm looking forward to that, but at least I understand dour and sullen far better than rainbows, smiles, and unicorns.

Oh, did I mention that I'm raising my kids as Atheists?

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