Sunday, October 10, 2010

Christocrat Party Platform

I was surfing around the godless blogosphere when I stumbled on an article about Rod Parsley leader of the mega World Harvest Church located in Columbus, Ohio. Mr Parsley is a prolific Goddie, here are some of his memorable quotes (care of

Gay sex is a veritable breeding ground for disease.
People not washing their hands are also breeding grounds for disease. I say we skip the added expense of supplying soap to the general population and start amputating hands. That'll teach them germs!

Here's another insight from the good minister.

No secular state ever existed and none would exist until the end of the French Revolution, and so we understand that America was built on the Judeo-Christian ethic and we believe that this nominee is going to see to it that those truths are upheld.

Does Rod Parsley understand that he lives in a secular country? Obviously not. Well, I'm sure Rod has missed that minor document called the Constitution with the Establishment Clause, and the Treaty of Tripoli  that contains this little tidbit,

As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion;

And of course the Constitution states explicitly in Article VI section 3 that religion can not be used as a criterion for a person to be elected to public office (the No Religious Test Clause).

Maybe all that Sky Fairy learning has gotten in the way of Rod's ability to understand how the country works.

Maybe Rod is just a dick. Here is an illuminating quote from him.
Americans must be 'Christocrats" And that is not a democracy; that is a theocracy. That means God is in control, and you are not.
Christocrat, I like the ring to that.

I humbly offer a few ideas for the Christocrats' platform, just in case they form a political party on their path to overthrow the government.
  1. Circus Clowns have got to go. They are the Devil's henchmen (and henchwomen). If you don't understand why then you don't have the faith to be a Christocrat.
  2. In God We Trust will be printed on all the U.S. currency. What? It already is? Wow, these guys work fast.
  3. Jews have the choice of converting to Jesusism or they can leave. That Judeo part of Judeo-Christian was just pillow talk. Who took that seriously anyway? 
  4. Christocrats welcome Mormons as fellow Christians as long as they give up all their crazy cultish ways and embrace Radical Evangelism's crazy cultish ways.
  5. Catholics look at #4 and then replace the word Mormons with Catholics.
  6. No more private property. Jesus owns everything. 
  7. Islam has been illegalized - everywhere (that includes you Saudi Arabia).
  8. Snake handling will be considered the national past time. 
  9. Every person in the Christocracy will be expected to state all the contradictions of the Bible and then state why they aren't contradictions. There's a whole lot so start studying!
  10. July 4th will no longer be Independence Day. The new holyday will be called Everyone Wear a Beard Like Jesus Day. Here is how my family will celebrate it.

Canada isn't too far a drive for me.


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