Let's not waste any more time and get right to the Mission Statement for PU!
We at PU have a serious seriousness about our role as -what do we do here? Just fill in the blank with whatever answer you like, as long as it gets you to pay our exorbitant fee. We just know that we're here to help you accomplish your goals as long as our faculty (me) don't end up with criminal charges. Any praise may be heaped generously on us while any whining or disappointment (What? That course in Masturbation 303 wasn't what you was expecting?) shouldn't be forwarded to anyone. If you don't like the material then you obviously don't understand it - or you're just a baby.
To achieve this mission we plan to:
- Constantly irritate the f*ck out of you by referring to me as we. It is not my choice, the online university standards are quite clear on this.
- As a university we will be offering a variety of PhD programs: Suffering Theistic Goddledegook, Anti-Assholology, and Zoroastrian Metaphysics.
- Are you an Atheist surrounded by Goddies? Congratulations, you may be able to test out of some of our classes.
- We offer the best experts in Purgatory that your free tuition and fees will pay for.
- Of course, cheap jokes, obviously obvious observations, and snarkiness, will be our the meat and potatoes. Desert will be anything we damn want... and lots of it too.
- Just like a brick and mortar university PU will make its students jump through arbitrary academic hoops. It goes without saying that sycophantic students will be rewarded greatly.
- Don't worry, when you get your degree you will find immediate employment at a salary that is commensurate with many (not all) workers in developing countries.
Welcome all you bottom feeders (students) to academia!
What did you expect...