Wednesday, July 14, 2010

A Piece Of The True Cross Stolen! - My Solution


You're watching the news and astounded at the latest events: unemployment benefits drying up for many (hello double dip recession!), that oil geyser thingy keeps geysering, and the crazy Adolf Hitler, Obama, Lenin, billboard in Iowa (see last post).

Well, here in Boston we are ground zero for the upcoming Tribulation and by the title of the post you all know why.

Someone has stolen a piece of the true cross. I am not here to endorse theft (just give them their piece of wood back!), rather to point out the silliness of relics.

Here is the story in a nutshell (read the complete article here), the piece of wood was in a glass case at Cathedral of the Holy Cross and was stolen sometime between June 30th and July 1st.  The police are hot on the trail utilizing 21st century technology.
He (a police lieutenant) said investigators are scouring eBay to see if the relic might turn up. Last night, a Globe (Boston's center-left newspaper paper) search of eBay found a dozen items under a search for “true cross relic,’’ with price tags ranging from $105.49 to $3,800.
Worry not my Sky Fairy friends. We in Purgatory have a variety of relics from our Lord and Savior safely stashed in our vault.

Relic #1 is a bold statement from the Messiah. You can learn a lot from this icon. It turns out that:

  1. Jesus loooooved t-shirts.
  2. Jesus loved Mies van der Rohe, the great architect.
  3. It just so happens that Jesus and I are exactly the same size.
It's a miracle!

Relic #2 is Jesus' toothbrush!

Sure, Jesus was God incarnate and didn't need to brush (being all perfecty and such) but he wanted to set a good example for those no-goodnick disciples.

Relic #3 is Jesus' plunger! There would be times that the Great One didn't eat enough fiber and an intervention would be required for the toilet.

Fun fact!  Judas was always on plunger duty and that was the real reason he sold out Jesus.

Hell, the thirty pieces of silver wasn't even necessary.

The Church may feel free contact me whenever they want any of these priceless artifacts.

I'm here to help!

That's all you can do...

In Purgatory.


  1. So that is where my plunger went. You....relic desacrator!

    Having a hard time posting....Trace.

  2. Yes, but I will figure something out.


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