Saturday, July 3, 2010

Happy Birthday America! or Reboot America 2.0

Well, my favorite holiday is here - July 4th!

I've been making chili, devilled eggs, and potato salad for my annual asskick'n cookout. As I was drinking my third or fourth rum and coke I realized what a mess our country is in. This isn't just me saying it either. Ask most Americans (and it doesn't matter what party they are in) whether they are happy with the Federal Government and they will say no. Gay folks may scratch their heads and wonder why Obama hasn't grown a a pair of testicles and declared the official integration of gays into the Armed Services. Harry Truman did whatever Harry Truman wanted and integrated African Americans into the Armed Forces by Presidential fiat. Isn't Obama Commander in Chief? Other Commanders in Chief (we won't name any names) have declared wars! There's a lot of power in the Presidency. How about asking  Americans about the debt. Hey, it's kinda scary. I'm not going to lie and say I'm all, "Woo-Hoo! We're bankrupting the country even faster than before!" No, I am concerned. Let's face it, most people are unhappy with the state of affairs in Washington.

I have a solution that everyone can sign onto.

I say we franchise out the Federal Government to New Zealand for six months.

Why New Zealand? New Zealand is the least corrupt government as of 2009 on the planet. I found this data on the Transparency International website. How is this figured out?
A CPI (Corruption Perception Index) Score relates to perceptions of the degree of corruption as seen by business people and country analysts and ranges between 10 (highly clean) and 0 (highly corrupt). Includes police corruption, business corruption, political corruption, etc. (click here for link)

The USA gets a 7.5 while New Zealand gets an AWESOME 9.4! Not only is New Zealand super non-corrupt but the Lord of the Rings movies were filmed there. If Gandalf the White and all those elves can't get us out of this mess who can? The Tea Partiers?

Pffffft! (My sound of contempt) Listen, those Tea Partiers are not the Right's (or anyone else's) salvation. The Right's salvation may be found when they get rid of the Religious-Southern Fried lunatics that hijacked their party. Replacing one set of lunatics (the Religious Right) with another set of lunatics (Tea Partiers) is NOT the answer!

New Zealand is.

This isn't such a crazy idea either. We all know that the President can rule by marshal law for six months in an emergency, right? It's kinda like that. We just give Presidential emergency powers to New Zealand for six months. If we like what they have to say why not keep'em on for another six months? It's not like they are going to seize power and we'll have to answer to our new elvish-wizard overlords forever.

Start spreading the word! When you bite into that hotdog or hamburger and the conversation drifts to the oil geyser in the gulf, the country's debt, or even that damn breaker of the Constitution that's on our twenty dollar bill (yeah, I'm still on that) just say the obvious.

We fucked up our country.

Let's make it New Zealand's problem.

It sounds perfectly reasonable...

in Purgatory.


  1. Yay... we're the least corrupt! Apparently Sweden isn't too far behind as far as being the least corrupt. But you've got to bear in mind that New Zealand is a small country (4 Million People), so - to paraphrase Chris Rock - nobody's above an ass whoopin'! =)

  2. We don't want to ass whoop anyone? that's what make's us different, nor do we go out half "pee-ruaed" looking to ass whoop! that's another difference, also the corruption is harder to commit, the smaller the gossip circle is, the least distance it has to travel, ya can't get away with piss all in a small town, nor country.


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