Thursday, June 17, 2010

Mormans And The Moral Blank Check

God needs stuff to get done! In order to get that stuff done...

God wants me to kill you.

But it's OK because God is good and I know this because he told me he is good.

That's pretty crazy - eh?

It's a Moral Blank Check. The Moral Blank Check is AWESOME! Do anything you want as long as it's for the glory of God. The Moral Blank Check is sending suicide bombers off to get their virgins in Never-Never Land. Those Muslims are soooo uncivilized. Christianity would never to anything like that.

Kinda. Sorta.

Let's check out Pope Urban II (1035 - 1099) and how he got folks to go on the First Crusade.
All who die by the way, whether by land or by sea, or in battle against the pagans, shall have immediate remission of sins. This I grant them through the power of God with which I am invested.
I wonder how that's going to play out? Let's peer into the Medieval mind of a Catholic German villager/Crusader.

Hmmm... Let me get this straight. I can do any kind of sin on the way to battle the pagans and if I die all my sins go bye-bye? Wow, it's a long trip to Jerusalem and I can get a lot of sinning done on the way there. You know who bugs the livin' heck out of me? Jews. I betcha we can kill a bunch of Jews on the way to the Holy Land.

Unsurprisingly, entire Jewish communities were wiped out - Trier, Worms, Mainz, and Cologne. All with the power of the Moral Blank Check (click here for reference).

Thank God (sorry - I couldn't help myself), we don't have that in this country!

Kinda. Sorta.

The Mormons recently cashed a Moral Blank Check. I heard this story on Pharyngula (click here for post) that the Mormons lied about how much money they contributed on Prop 8 (banning Gay marriage) in California. Originally the Church stated they raised $2,078 when they actually raised 30 million (click here for whole story). So what if the California Ethics Commission found the Mormons guilty of late campaign reporting on 13 counts. 

Mormons don't care.  Mormons answer to a higher power. The rest of us can go f*ck ourselves.

At least we don't have violent groups in the good old USA looking to cash the Moral Blank Check.

Kinda. Sorta.

Christian militia types like the Hutaree and the KKK aren't that bad, right? I mean, as long as you are White, conservative, and a goose stepping lunatic they'll accept you.

As an Atheist I want a Moral Blank Check too! I'm tired of being rational and fair! The next time I play CandyLand with my 5 fear old I'm going to win. Sorry Ali, the voices in my head demand it! Will (my 10 year old), I know you really want to go to college but Daddy spent all your college money at The Foxy Lady. It's for the greater good. I know you don't understand why and maybe I have no good reason but you gotta have faith.

Faith is what makes the Moral Blank Check work!

At least the Mormons got into some trouble. They were given a hefty fine of $5,538.

What do you expect?

In Purgatory.


  1. This is funny and aggravating. Funny because, well, it's funny. And aggravating because it's true!

  2. I wouldn't want a blank check. I would prefer it be made out to my organization, California Atheists Secular Humanists. I know it is a long name so just us it's abbreviation.

  3. Got it -- CASH -- Cute!

    Religion is always a good one, but evil, immoral, unscrupulous people can always find some account on which to issue the Moral Blank Check. Patriotism usually has plenty of liquidity for that purpose. Blank chacks like the PATRIOT Act can pay off all kinds of unsavory debts. You can kill all the brown peolpe you want, so long as you label them "terrorists" in advance.


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