Pffffft! (My utterance of disdain for my own stupidity.)
I have a buddy, in his early 30's, who's about to have his first child. He was a bit... anxious about the event. I asked him if he had a plan for what happens after the baby is born. A plan about minor stuff like work, schedules, and lifestyle changes.
"I plan to be flexible," he said.
At that point I did not want to mention the 18 wheel truck about to strike him and his dual income-married-with no kids lifestyle. I didn't mention that flexibility is an ambiguous strategy akin to the Titanic's plan of, "We plan to to sail from point A to point B." Let me tell you my friends, shit happens between point A and point B.
Why am I talking about this? I figured out that I needed a new plan a few days ago. "Why," you may ask, "what has dramatically changed in Andy's life?"
During the school year I joke about how my kids are the State's problem between the hours of 9 - 3. Well, that gravy train has ended. Summer camp is OK for a short period of time (I am frugal remember), but there is no denying the fact that my time is bit more constrained. My plan?
- Drug the children - Easy to do with over the counter medication and they get to nap the afternoon away!
- I plan to drug myself - A rum and coke three times a day should do it. Maybe I should dedicate a full day to one kind of drink. I could visit a several members of the martini family. They're always happy to see me.
- The Evil one-eyed Cyclops known as the television - It's working right now as I write!
I think I'll just be flexible.
That'll do it...